HeroesPWN

OMG, y'all, the Heroes writers totally read our post! We just watched the season finale (okay, we're still watching it right now, we just couldn't wait to write this) and we are impressed.

A while ago, io9 wrote a post about how to fix Heroes. Sidenote: What is up with ZQ's eyebrows? They look like they're made of plastic.

Back to reality. The first thing io9 recommended was the deaths of Hiro Nakamura, Sylar, and Noah Bennett. The writers paid about fifty percent attention to this suggestion. Not only did Noah and Hiro not die, but their combined abilities - Noah's man-with-the-plan-itude and Hiro's ability to transport people - saved the day! Hiro's heroics are good for two reasons: one, we love him; and two, we were getting bored of his powers being all wonky. Sylar will never die. We here at SRSBZNZ have made our peace with that. Whatever. ZQ is good looking, so we guess we'll put up with him.

The first thing SRSBZNZ recommended: treat each season as its own, mostly separate, entity, like a real comic book. This finale TOTALLY DID THAT. Samuel was defeated - in a sort of anticlimactic way, granted - and the cliffhanger ending was enough to keep us interested (well, interested in the sense that we can't seem to stop watching this show even though it's kind of lame) without trying to carry over any already-meandering storylines.

Right now, SRSBZNZ is winning the Ways to Fix Heroes Contest with one point, while io9 trails with no points. Go us!

However, io9 earns half a point by recommending that Claire Bennett become the villain, which she sort of did. So you know how Samuel was going to tell the whole world about the heroes, or "specials," as they now seem to be called? Well, he failed. Sad face. But then Claire was mad at her dad for thinking that "specials" (This Week's Special: A Dude With X-Ray Vision! Only $99.95, for a Limited Time Only!) couldn't coexist openly with normal people, so she jumped off the top of one of the carnival rides in front of a bunch of news cameras. We don't think that makes her a villain, but it definitely could have negative repercussions for our favorite specials.

Now that we're reading our post, we have to take half a point away from ourselves for also recommending that Sylar get killed off. In our own defense, since this is OUR blog, we had, at that point, mostly realized that Sylar was immortal, but were not quite ready to let go of the idea that he could be written out of the show. We've since come to terms.

Final score:
SRSBZNZ: 0.5.
io9: 0.5
Heroes: 1, for not failing at season 4.

The Ultimate Sci-Fi Cliche

Heroes. We all know and love (or hate ... yeah, mostly hate) it. It's possibly the biggest non-reality train wreck on television, but we don't watch Jersey Shore so Heroes is our fix. For those who don't know, recent developments on the show include: Hiro speaking Spanish while talking to Ando about some sort of strange amalgamation of comic book plots that's actually a secret code for something Hiro wants Ando to discover, and don't worry, we're just as confused as you are; Sylar coming back AGAIN, to NO ONE'S surprise; and, our personal favorite, Sylar and Claire making out? We were at work tonight during that episode, so we haven't seen it, but rest assured we will let you know our opinion. We're going to chalk all this craziness up to writers who did not have a plan.

Okay, so most of us aren't novelists, but Heroes would probably be much less of a train wreck if the writers had done one of two things: for starters, they could have had several seasons of the show written before they even tried to get it put on television. Since that's totally impractical, television being the gamble that it is, We think they should have gone with this option: treat each season like a separate comic book. Since each episode is a "chapter," they might as well wrap each season up in the spring and start anew in the fall, rather than this rambling, "Oh, hi, I'm Sylar, and I NEVER GO AWAY" business they're doing right now. Seriously, we know we're not the only ones who think Sylar needs to be over and done with. We mean, do you REALIZE that they ACTUALLY had a scene wherein a recently-murdered Sylar/Nathan Petrelli (and let's not even get into that malarkey) stuck his hand out of the ground like a zombie? Zombie Sylar is no one's friend.

... Clearly we are also not novelists, because, hi, tangent. Anyways! Heroes feels like a rambling train wreck because it is a rambling train wreck. The authors keep trying to outdo themselves and we don't have enough fingers to count the plotlines they've discarded without explanation. Also, where is Mohinder and why is it so convenient that he's currently pretending to be dead? We know he has better things to do: he was in an episode of Psych last fall, which was hilarious, in case you were wondering. OKAY SORRY that was another tangent. Anyways, discarding countless plotlines and going on crazy televised tangents is possibly not the best idea for Heroes. Hopefullly at the end of this season, two things will happen:

1. Sylar will die. We love you, ZQ, and that's why we're going to say this: you can do better. Sylar is lame, outdated, and has WAY overstayed his welcome on our screen. Lend your pretty face to something with dialogue that's good enough for your talents.
2. They will WRAP EVERYTHING THE HECK UP so that we can start next season with a fresh set of problems that doesn't require us to remember what happened before summer started. Because we don't know about y'all, but our summer is going to be jam packed with things that aren't Heroes, and it's going to be awesome.