The Ultimate Sci-Fi Cliche

Heroes. We all know and love (or hate ... yeah, mostly hate) it. It's possibly the biggest non-reality train wreck on television, but we don't watch Jersey Shore so Heroes is our fix. For those who don't know, recent developments on the show include: Hiro speaking Spanish while talking to Ando about some sort of strange amalgamation of comic book plots that's actually a secret code for something Hiro wants Ando to discover, and don't worry, we're just as confused as you are; Sylar coming back AGAIN, to NO ONE'S surprise; and, our personal favorite, Sylar and Claire making out? We were at work tonight during that episode, so we haven't seen it, but rest assured we will let you know our opinion. We're going to chalk all this craziness up to writers who did not have a plan.

Okay, so most of us aren't novelists, but Heroes would probably be much less of a train wreck if the writers had done one of two things: for starters, they could have had several seasons of the show written before they even tried to get it put on television. Since that's totally impractical, television being the gamble that it is, We think they should have gone with this option: treat each season like a separate comic book. Since each episode is a "chapter," they might as well wrap each season up in the spring and start anew in the fall, rather than this rambling, "Oh, hi, I'm Sylar, and I NEVER GO AWAY" business they're doing right now. Seriously, we know we're not the only ones who think Sylar needs to be over and done with. We mean, do you REALIZE that they ACTUALLY had a scene wherein a recently-murdered Sylar/Nathan Petrelli (and let's not even get into that malarkey) stuck his hand out of the ground like a zombie? Zombie Sylar is no one's friend.

... Clearly we are also not novelists, because, hi, tangent. Anyways! Heroes feels like a rambling train wreck because it is a rambling train wreck. The authors keep trying to outdo themselves and we don't have enough fingers to count the plotlines they've discarded without explanation. Also, where is Mohinder and why is it so convenient that he's currently pretending to be dead? We know he has better things to do: he was in an episode of Psych last fall, which was hilarious, in case you were wondering. OKAY SORRY that was another tangent. Anyways, discarding countless plotlines and going on crazy televised tangents is possibly not the best idea for Heroes. Hopefullly at the end of this season, two things will happen:

1. Sylar will die. We love you, ZQ, and that's why we're going to say this: you can do better. Sylar is lame, outdated, and has WAY overstayed his welcome on our screen. Lend your pretty face to something with dialogue that's good enough for your talents.
2. They will WRAP EVERYTHING THE HECK UP so that we can start next season with a fresh set of problems that doesn't require us to remember what happened before summer started. Because we don't know about y'all, but our summer is going to be jam packed with things that aren't Heroes, and it's going to be awesome.