A Note to Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci

When Zachary Quinto suggested that he would be leaving the Star Trek franchise and retiring his Vulcan ears, fans nearly went into cardiac arrest. ZQ has thankfully clarified his statements, but the internet furor got us thinking: if ZQ's Spock is something that we definitely want to keep in the sequel, what sorts of things could we do without? Behold: our wish list for the next ST movie.

Things We'd Like to See in the Sequel

1) Christine Chapel and Janice Rand

ST: TOS never lacked women in its cast, and we're not just talking about Kirk's love interest of the week. Besides Uhura, there was also Christine Chapel and Yeoman Janice Rand. The addition of these beautiful, professional women would be a nod to the old series and a nice way of balancing the number of dicks currently on the dance floor (thanks Flight of the Conchords!) We briefly heard Dr. McCoy bark out Chapel's name in the reboot, so we know that she's on the Enterprise somewhere. Plus, it would be highly entertaining to see Janice Rand's basket weave again.

2) Moar Scotty

Puir wee Scotty. He never gets enough love. Simon Pegg is one of our favorite actors ever, but next to his extremely attractive cast mates, he tends to get overlooked. We'd love it if Scotty had a moment in the next sequel in which he could really shine: for example, TOS Scotty showed his bad-assery by dismantling tubes and wires that threatened to blow up the entire ship. We also wouldn't be adverse to a Scotty/Uhura relationship. It's canon, has the attraction of a beauty-and-the-geek romance, is infinitely more palatable than the Spock-Uhura travesty, and is one way to transform Scotty from mere comic relief to an emotionally complex character.

3) Kirk Being the Genius We Know He Is

In the first movie, we were told that Kirk was the only "genius-level repeat offender in the Midwest." We've already seen Kirk's unique style of leadership emerging in the first film, and we can't wait to see what sorts of villains and conflicts the scriptwriters create in order to show the evolution of the young Captain.

4) Spock and McCoy Bickering like an Old Married Couple

The good-natured rivalry between these two characters gave TOS some of its greatest moments. Honestly, we just want to see McCoy rib Spock about his alien background, and then see Spock lay the verbal smack down on the good doctor.

5) Interiors of the Enterprise

Most of the action in the first film takes place on the bridge or in the hallways of the Enterprise, with brief sojourns to the Engineering Room, Transporter Room, and Sick Bay. Nevertheless, we think that an inside peek at the Captain's quarters, the Officers' Mess, or Sulu's famous botanical garden in the sequel certainly wouldn't go amiss.

Things We Could Really Do Without

1) The Spock-Uhura-Kirk Love Triangle

Please, scriptwriters, for the love of God. PLZ JETTISON THIS TERRIBLE PLOT DEVICE. Kirk has no time for a serious romantic relationship - the Enterprise is a jealous mistress, after all - and he's got to start developing a closer connection with his First Officer (which won't happen if he's too busy looking up Uhura's skirt.) And we're still not convinced by Spock/Uhura. If the first film had done a better job of setting up their romance, we'd have less of a problem. As it is, the teacher-student vibe squicks us out, and the turbolift scene looked like Spock was rejecting Uhura's advances rather than confirming their love. We can't figure out the point of their relationship. Please. No more.

Fashion - SRSBZNZ Style

In honor of io9.com's hilarious gallery of "sexy costumes," we thought it would be fun to highlight some of the memorable outfits worn by the leading ladies of sci-fi and fantasy. Here are three costumes that made our list (the entirety of which is far too long for one post):

Six from Battlestar Galactica

When Tricia Helfer appeared in the opening scene of BSG with this slinky red number, her blatant sex appeal left audiences dazed and drooling. From the tight fit to the vivid hue, Six's dress immediately told us that she was a femme fatale: a seductive Eve to Gaius Baltar's Adam, if you will. Her outfit also pulled double duty by showing us that Cylons had evolved into sensual, complex beings, thus further blurring the divide between mankind and their destroyers.

Dame Vaako from The Chronicles of Riddick

Dame Vaako, wife to the Necromongers' second-in-command (played by a delicious Karl Urban) is her universe's Lady MacBeth. Aside from cementing our girl crush on Thandie Newton, this dress - particularly its scaly, croc-like texture - warns us that Dame Vaako is definitely not the cuddly type. Her naked ambition and desire for the Necromonger throne is also accurately reflected in the golden color of her dress.

Ellen Ripley from Aliens

In a recent InStyle magazine, Sigourney Weaver described this moment in the movie as reminiscent of "Beauty and the Beast." The alien is "curious and aroused" by this "pink thing." Enough said.

In Defense of the Ladies

Zoe Saldana, we get it. You're a lady in a man's world. You like to be in sci-fi movies and play characters whose strong beliefs are misunderstood by outsiders (Uhura's lady-ness, Neytiri's nature love, that chick in Crossroads but we don't remember what her deal was). But the whole touchy attitude thing? Annoying.

We will do our best not to go off on a rant about how absolutely pointless the Spock-Uhura Travesty is. We see no point to their Enterprise canoodling, and we think it needs to stop. But seriously, Zoe. Why the 'tude? Uhura is a cool lady! She's easygoing and likes to sing hilarious and irrelevant songs. But she's not all up in everybody's business, trying to undermine the captain of the freakin' Enterprise.  We guess your Uhura is a product of this whole alternate-reality thing in the new ST series, but does she really have to be so touchy and cynical? Don't you watch Late Night With Conan O'Brien? (R.I.P.) Cynical people are unpleasant and off-putting. We kind of want to punch your Uhura in the face, and to be honest, we think the love affair with Spock undermines your efforts at making Uhura a strong woman. It kind of looks like she's sleeping her way to the top.

What we're saying is, you should tell the writers to scrap that storyline.

Neytiri is a more understandable case. There she is, minding her own business, chillin' with her dragon in the Home Tree, when that stupid jerk of a Jake Sully comes along and tries to say he's better than her. And then she finds out he lied to her and is secretly working for the U.S. army (because that plot has never been done before or anything). Of course she's upset! But again, your character is all touchy and upset because she is misunderstood and also better than everybody else. Chillax! We know you're talented, but seriously. Lose the cynicism. It makes us sad.

Image: Akoo Clothing via Google Images

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In Defense of Hikaru Sulu: An Asian in Hollywood

I love Hikaru Sulu. Although the Enterprise pilot has never been as popular as the Holy Trinity (Kirk-Spock-Bones), I am one of those fans who have made Sulu her personal Chuck Norris. As one fellow admirer said, "Hikaru Sulu wakes up to Led Zeppelin's 'Immigrant Song' every damn morning. Just before drinking hot lava, slicing some redshirt in half, and driving his spaceship through the ravaged corpses of other lamer ships." Nevertheless, a Livejournal discussion amongst fans proves that not everyone is happy with JJ Abram's reinterpretation of the iconic character. For example:

FAN #1: I just hate how they were like, "Oh, you're Asian? Let's give you a sword! Phaser? Nonono. You're Asian, silly!"

FAN #2: Now is it because he's Asian, or because swords are the coolest weapon and he is the coolest dude?

I'd like to think Fan #2 won that argument. Nevertheless, Fan #1 brings up an interesting issue: does Hikaru Sulu perpetuate Asian stereotypes created by Hollywood, or does he defy them? As someone with Chinese ancestry, I understand Fan #1's feelings: the film industry has a dismal track record of casting Asians in roles that don't involve some form of chop suey, a weird accent, or in most cases, both. Still, I'm going to argue that the characterization of Hikaru Sulu in Star Trek XI is extremely positive, which fits perfectly with Star Trek's all-inclusive, utopian vision.

In Hollywood, there are two common stereotypes of Asians: "the strong, silent" Asian and the extremely voluble, "funny-man" Asian. The former is usually found in Westernized kung-fu movies; their conversational skills are limited to grunting and harrumphing in response to other people. In contrast, the "funny-man" Asian provides comic relief by babbling in his native language and broken English (Jackie Chan, I'm looking at you.)

How does Sulu in the reboot film measure up to these stereotypes? It's true that the pilot isn't a talkative character. When Spock calls Sulu out on his parking break whoospie, the latter's only response is to silently release the external inertial dampener and say, "Ready for warp, sir." However, is this reticence such a bad thing? I think not. I think it merely emphasizes Sulu's calm, professional exterior in spite of his embarrassment, which is a unique character trait and not a reinforcement of an Asian stereotype.

OK, but what about Sulu's sword? Isn't that just reinforcing the myth that all Asians know martial arts? In the original series, Sulu is shown as an 18th-century swashbuckler at heart with a love for fencing. Giving an Asian character a European hobby is a bold move that plays against stereotypes. Unfortunately, fencing foils don't translate into effective Romulan ass-kicking instruments. Hence the sword. As for the "funny-man" Asian, Sulu unquestionably has a sense of humor: his quip to Kirk about "fencing" proves that he's a witty mofo. However, we laugh at Sulu because of his deadpan humor. His race is a non-issue in the movie, and is never used as a launching pad for comic relief.

Having said all this, maybe I'm missing the point here. Perhaps what makes Sulu unique is that he embodies the most positive aspects of these stereotypes: a cool, unruffled exterior and an ability to kick ass. As a result of these traits, Sulu becomes a character defined by his personality and talents, not race. Fan #2 recognized that fact, and I think such characterization would have made Gene Roddenberry proud.

WWJD: What Would Jane Do?

We feel like Jane Austen would have a fit - in the old school way, of course, involving fainting and swooning and smelling salts - if she knew about Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which we started reading yesterday. The new author has taken our beloved Elizabeth Bennet and turned her into a driven ninja (ninja? really?) zombie-killer, who thinks less about the attraction of love than about the attraction of holding a still-beating heart in her hands. No, really. A still-beating heart.

So far, we've only read about 50 pages of the book, but there have been something like six zombie battles and apparently, P and P and Z's Mr. Darcy has fallen in love with Elizabeth because of her epic zombie murder skillz. And her fine eyes, of course. Mr. Darcy in this book is also very proud of his "chestnut mane," which really just makes us feel like we're reading a harlequin, and we only read those if they're about pirates. We know this blog is about sci-fi and everything, but we're going to take a moment and nerd out about historical accuracy (as in, period writing - obviously, inserting zombies into anything obliterates any shred of historical accuracy) and grammar: Jane Austen did not use contractions. Also, we're pretty sure no one in the west called it "Beijing" in the eighteenth century, which is why we disapprove of the whole ninja bit. And anyway, aren't ninas Japanese?

Moment over.

And in case we haven't stressed it enough: Did Elizabeth really have to be a ninja zombie killer?

For Your Edification...

"SRSBZNZ": [seer-ee-uhs] [biz-nis]

-noun

1. being of a type of business that is serious; earnest; not trifling.
2. a sci-fi/fantasy blog created by Eva and Lacey.

Origin: my brain/divine inspiration

Related forms: srsbsns, noun

Examples: "Your Honor, this is srsbznz." "Being a Trekkie is srsbznz."

Lacey

The Ultimate Sci-Fi Cliche

Heroes. We all know and love (or hate ... yeah, mostly hate) it. It's possibly the biggest non-reality train wreck on television, but we don't watch Jersey Shore so Heroes is our fix. For those who don't know, recent developments on the show include: Hiro speaking Spanish while talking to Ando about some sort of strange amalgamation of comic book plots that's actually a secret code for something Hiro wants Ando to discover, and don't worry, we're just as confused as you are; Sylar coming back AGAIN, to NO ONE'S surprise; and, our personal favorite, Sylar and Claire making out? We were at work tonight during that episode, so we haven't seen it, but rest assured we will let you know our opinion. We're going to chalk all this craziness up to writers who did not have a plan.

Okay, so most of us aren't novelists, but Heroes would probably be much less of a train wreck if the writers had done one of two things: for starters, they could have had several seasons of the show written before they even tried to get it put on television. Since that's totally impractical, television being the gamble that it is, We think they should have gone with this option: treat each season like a separate comic book. Since each episode is a "chapter," they might as well wrap each season up in the spring and start anew in the fall, rather than this rambling, "Oh, hi, I'm Sylar, and I NEVER GO AWAY" business they're doing right now. Seriously, we know we're not the only ones who think Sylar needs to be over and done with. We mean, do you REALIZE that they ACTUALLY had a scene wherein a recently-murdered Sylar/Nathan Petrelli (and let's not even get into that malarkey) stuck his hand out of the ground like a zombie? Zombie Sylar is no one's friend.

... Clearly we are also not novelists, because, hi, tangent. Anyways! Heroes feels like a rambling train wreck because it is a rambling train wreck. The authors keep trying to outdo themselves and we don't have enough fingers to count the plotlines they've discarded without explanation. Also, where is Mohinder and why is it so convenient that he's currently pretending to be dead? We know he has better things to do: he was in an episode of Psych last fall, which was hilarious, in case you were wondering. OKAY SORRY that was another tangent. Anyways, discarding countless plotlines and going on crazy televised tangents is possibly not the best idea for Heroes. Hopefullly at the end of this season, two things will happen:

1. Sylar will die. We love you, ZQ, and that's why we're going to say this: you can do better. Sylar is lame, outdated, and has WAY overstayed his welcome on our screen. Lend your pretty face to something with dialogue that's good enough for your talents.
2. They will WRAP EVERYTHING THE HECK UP so that we can start next season with a fresh set of problems that doesn't require us to remember what happened before summer started. Because we don't know about y'all, but our summer is going to be jam packed with things that aren't Heroes, and it's going to be awesome.

SRSBZNZ: An Introduction

Writing an introductory post for a new blog is hard. Really hard. Eva, my partner-in-crime and the wonderful creator of this blog, once likened the act of composing a welcome post to "a first date" with all its accompanying anxieties: what do you talk about? Where do you start? Well, if you're anything like me, you mentally compile a list of your hobbies and interests and then you pick one to talk about. So. Let's begin with a topic. How about movies?

Imdb.com always has a list of the top five movies in America. The films dominating the box office this week are as follows:

1) Avatar
2) The Book of Eli
3) The Lovely Bones
4) Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
5) Sherlock Holmes

Why am I talking about a box office list? Perhaps it's obvious: with the exception of the fourth movie (unless you think singing, anthropomorphic rodents belong in science fiction), every single one of these films can be classified as or associated with sci-fi and fantasy.

You may be saying to yourself, "OK, Lacey. That's nice, but what is the point?" The point is that North Americans clearly love these two genres. And I'm willing to bet that a large portion of those North Americans are young women. Young women in school or with jobs, who are perhaps too shy to admit their interest or who are passionately vocal about it. If you are one of these women, this blog is dedicated to you. And even if you aren't, I still say hello and welcome.

Eva and I have decided to call our brainchild a "guide." However, a more accurate description might be "what the world looks like when you're a 20-something female who loves everything from Star Trek to Heroes to steampunk." We're heavy on the snark and opinions, but we hope that our musings still spark your interest. At the very least, I think we can all agree that the scriptwriters of Star Trek XII need to get off their bohineys and start writing, so that Zachary Quinto has a better job than playing Sylar and Chris Pine can be Captain Kirk again before he loses all his hair (because let's face it, bb IS losing his hair.)

SRSBZNZ is srsbznz. Welcome to the blog.

Lacey