Dear SRSBZNZ: Vol. 2

Dear SRSBZNZ,

My mom recently showed me a dating book called Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Under the heading "Be Careful What You Say," the Rabbi lists a number of topics to avoid whilst on your first date. At one point, he says, "Never talk about Star Trek." My question is: srsly? Never talk about Star Trek on a date?

Sincerely,

Srsly Confused

***

Dear Srsly Confused,

Firstly, Rabbi Shmuley wrote a dating book?? Interesting.

Anyways, let's examine his advice. As fans of Star Trek, we were admittedly annoyed at the good Rabbi. After all, what's wrong with being a Trekkie? The show is a cultural force, and countless people have fallen in love with its characters and numerous spin-offs. Why then would it be a social faux pas to gush about the ample nacelles of the Enterprise? SRSBZNZ is going to suggest that it goes right back to the stigma attached to being a geek. Despite our unbelievably scientific study, society still views geeks as social pariahs. Apparently, we're awkward, lonely, and capable of emotional fulfillment only through weird intellectual and technological pursuits. Given this perception, no wonder Rabbi Shmuley disapproves of flashing your geek cred over dinner. You might as well be telling your date that you have herpes.

So what should you do? Here is our advice. SRSBZNZ recommends that unless your date is a certified Trekkie, it's probably best to refrain from showing off your in-depth knowledge of that "Shore Leave" episode or waxing poetic on your childhood fear of the Borg. The principle behind our opinion is this: when you're on a date, you don't want to blab incessantly about your favorite hobby, no matter what it is. It's rather self-involved, and if your date doesn't share your interest, he's going to be bored. Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong in revealing your love for Star Trek if the topic of favorite TV shows ever comes up. If your date is really into you, he'll be - at worst - politely indifferent, and at best, enthusiastic or amused.

And really, let's think about the long-term here: if you don't scare your potential SO away the first time around, you always have time in the future to convert him into a fan.

Wednesday is For the Ladies: Sci-Fi Weddings

Ah, weddings. We just sent off our RSVP for a friend's wedding, which will no doubt be a lovely affair. The invitation, however, got us thinking: What kinds of hilarious sci-fi-themed nuptials can we find on the Internet? The answers, friends, are  below:

First up, Star Wars. Y'all know there are plenty of Star Wars fans out there who love the series SO MUCH that they have to have a theme wedding. And really, who wouldn't want Chewbacca to make the best man's speech? "WOOOOOOOIIIEEOEOOOOOOO. Cheers!"

Of course, we at SRSBZNZ can't be too partial, so we thought we'd also see what shenanigans our fellow Trekkies got up to at their weddings. Not gonna lie, we'd love to get married on the Enterprise by a dude who looks like Jean-Luc Picard in retirement. Okay, so maybe we'd require it to be Patrick Stewart. Actually, can we just marry Patrick Stewart? Or Shatner. We're not picky. Well, Shatner then rather than now.

Speaking of people we'd like to marry (David Tennant), we wanted to see a Doctor Who wedding, too. It would be soooo easy to get married in the TARDIS, since it's bigger on the inside. For a honeymoon, we'd go to the future, somewhere in a distant galaxy, with a beach. Or whatever. And since apparently no one has yet put pictures of their Doctor Who wedding on the first two pages of Google Images, we'd be the first. We'd start with this Doctor-and-Rose-Tyler cake topper. Obviously, it would go on top of a cake shaped like a Dalek. We're blonde like Rose, so that part is covered, but that dress would have to go. For realz ... like we need a giant bow to remind us where our hips are. No, thank you.

Happy weddings, ladies!

Ode to Neil Gaiman

In 2008, a book called "Prince of Stories: The Many Worlds of Neil Gaiman" was published. SRSBZNZ hasn't read this scholarly treatment of Gaiman's works yet, but the title delights us. If anyone can be called the "Prince of Stories," it is the best-selling fantasy author who began his career writing for DC Comics. One look at Gaiman's bibliography and you realize that he is astoundingly prolific. If you've read his books and are a fan, you'll know that the fantasy/horror genres always feel fresh and never clichéd in his hands. But we think Gaiman also deserves another title, which may as well be "King of the Modern Fairy Tale."

Fairy tales are a type of folk narrative that often focus on the passage from childhood to adulthood. As a result, the genre tends to deal with some pretty dark subjects. Cruel and absentee parents, economic hardship, sexual threats, murder, and cannibalism are all common themes and symbols in the fairy tale. Gaiman's works cover these topics, even while he enchants us with the antics of witches, plucky heroines, and long-lost heirs. In fact, he reminds us a lot of Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, that pair of German brothers who brought us Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood, and other popular folk tales.

Take Coraline as an example. In this story, the titular character encounters her Other Mother - a character that looks just like her ordinary mother, except that she has big black buttons for eyes. The Other Mother occupies an enchanted world that is the stuff of Coraline's dreams, but when she starts to prevent the girl from leaving, well...that's when the excrement hits the rotating propeller. All of the familiar fairy-tale elements are here: Coraline is a smart young heroine who attains maturity amidst her battles with a witch. And like the dark forest in which Hansel and Gretel find the gingerbread house, the Other Mother's world is a place where magic and evil exist side by side.

For kids, the plot of Coraline is a thrilling adventure story. But like all good fairy tales, the story is one for adults too. Amongst other things, Gaiman confronts us with the issue of how we distinguish good from evil. He looks at the dark undercurrents that appear in mother-daughter relationships, such as a daughter's attempt to gain control over her own life and the temptation to smother our children with love. He even dips into our greatest fears by asking us the question: what happens when our parents die? What do we do?

If you haven't read any of Gaiman's works, Coraline is a great place to start (although we admit that you really can't go wrong with any of Gaiman's works.) And as a parting note, we'd like to point out that the man has the most fantastic personal library ever. What we wouldn't do to have a collection of books like that...

Friday Whaaaat

We were going to post something epic today, but then we thought to ourselves...

So Bad, It's Good: Doom, the Movie

Karl Urban as "Reaper"

Here at SRSBZNZ, one of the things we love best are movies that are "so bad, it's good." Thankfully, the sci-fi/fantasy genre has more than its fair share of duds to keep us entertained, and we'd like to spotlight one of them in particular: that is, the 2005 classic known as Doom.

If you've ever played Doom, you'll know that it's a first person shooter video game that is ultra violent and filled with enemy monsters that you can mow down with your gun. The film itself has an exhilarating sequence in which the camera assumes the first person perspective, and for awhile, it really feels like you're the one shooting at the enemy. Doom is also surprisingly good at maintaining the suspense. But none of these things justify spending two hours of your life on this movie. Below are the real reasons why you should rent Doom today.

1) It stars The Rock.

Don't tell us that you refuse to see Dwayne Johnson try to convey authority by making his eyes bulge out of its sockets. As Sarge - the hardcore leader of a band of Marines sent to a research facility on Mars in order to "kill and destroy" - you get to see The Rock emoting by furrowing his brows, swearing, and waving around an impossibly huge gun. And we don't want to give anything away, but if you've ever wondered what Mr. Johnson would look like as a zombie, here is your chance.

2) It also stars Karl Urban.

We'll admit: the thought of seeing a rugged, soldierly Karl Urban - aka Doctor McCoy in the new Star Trek movie - was the main reason we even watched this movie in the first place. And ladies, you won't be disappointed: Karl Urban is John Grimm (or "Reaper"). He's the smart, noble, brooding hero with the tragic past and an estranged sister. What's not to love? Look at that face above: it's practically Shakespearean in its tragicosity. And while Karl is given some pretty terrible lines, he still manages to imbue them with dignity and sensitivity. In short, we'd hit it harder than the angry fist of God.

3) It has God-awful dialogue.

Like all craptacular movies, Doom has a script that will make you laugh like a loon (unintentionally, of course.) Some of our favorite lines come from banter between the men; others are produced by the weird sexual chemistry Reaper has with his twin sister. Here are some of our favorite gems:

• "Looks like we missed the party."
• "If they were so smart, how come they're so dead?"
• "You know, Duke, I bet secretly you've got a big heart."
• "Does it ever bother you, you could've spent your life looking in a microscope instead of a sniper scope?"
• "I'm taking a shit, you fucking gimp."

Ah, poetry.

4) There are monsters and zombies.

This is arguably the most important reason why you should see this movie. The zombies in this movie don't shuffle along and moan. They're fast, they snarl at you, and they'll put an axe through your head if you give them the chance. The monsters are pretty gross and terrifying too. If you haven't been convinced by this post thus far, just see this movie for the creatures, because they're awesome.

Screencap from Sagralisse

Wednesday is For the Ladies, and That's the Only Reason We're Writing This.

We've read the books and seen the movies, and we have to admit ... we have a love/hate relationship with Twilight. On the one hand, Smeyer writes a pretty entertaining love story, so long as you're a sucker. Which we are. On the other hand, if you are a reflective sort of reader, once you detach yourself from the story, you wish fervently that you could rewind your day and do something else with it.

For us, the moment of reflective clarity came during Breaking Dawn. We thought the book overall was kind of lame, but once she got to the part where Bella named her baby Renesmee, it was over. We could no longer take it seriously. Our irreverence, however, made watching the movies so much more entertaining.

While we're on the subject, we have a confession to make: we got chastised by rabid fans during the midnight showing of Twilight. Our friend, who is of the gentleman variety, really wanted to see the midnight showing, and we were happy for him to use our enthusiasm as an excuse ("What? She dragged me to it!"). Whilst we giggled happily at every moment of pure awkwardness, the fan next to us apparently became angrier and angrier, until she said, "Shut the [expletive deleted] up or LEAVE!" It just made us giggle more.

ANYWAYS. Since Wednesday is for the Ladies, we thought we might discuss the gentlemen of the Twilight series, particularly Edward and Jacob. We are wholeheartedly on the side of Team Jacob, because he is happy much more frequently than Edward. Jacob cracks jokes. He tries to make Bella smile. Basically, he's kind of a sweetheart. And although we understand why that would not be something you would want your boyfriend to do ALL the time - we certainly wouldn't - he's just way less lame than Edward.

Despite our fervent love of Jacob, we understand the appeal of Edward. He's all mysterious and broody, and we, who are fair-skinned, would definitely not be intimidated by his tan, since he doesn't have one. Also, we really like rain. And the Cullens are nice ... Okay, we really don't get why everybody is all up in Edward's business.

Allow us to outline some of our reasons for disliking Edward.

1. He's selfish. All he ever thinks about is how much he loves Bella, and why that's bad or whatever. He never thinks about what she might want. Jacob is all about what Bella wants.
2. He's too serious. Dude, chill out. Yes, there are psycho vampires around. But don't you realize that love conquers everything, even bloodsuckers?
3. He's kind of a control freak. Edward is always trying to "protect" Bella by forbidding her to leave her house, or sending family members to spy on her. Jacob, on the other hand, allows Bella some space. He'll tell her if she's doing something stupid, but he never says, "I am going to prevent something from occurring because I think it will protect you." Edward does it all the freakin' time. Liek, OMG, let her think for herself.
4. He's cold. This is totally a personal quirk. We are always cold. No, seriously, our fingers are like ice cubes RIGHT NOW, as we type this. We could not handle the vampire.

Yes, we think Edward is super lame, but really, we think the whole series is kind of lame. Even though we find Jacob infinitely preferable to Edward, we would not date either of them (we would also not date their real-life counterparts, because RPattz is totally a stoner and Taylor Lautner is too young). In fact, we're not even sure why we spent the last half-hour writing about them.

Peace out.

Carrying a Torch ... For Torchwood (Yes, We Just Went There).

Well, kids, it looks like Heroes is over for the season. Is that a good or bad thing? We can't decide. What we do know is that we need a show to fill that time. We're not yet sure what NBC will come up with, it being the Olympics and all, and can we just take a moment to say how much we LOVE THE OLYMPICS?!?!? Love. Them. And, really, they're kind of like science fiction - have you seen those skiers flying through the air? Crazy talk.

We digress. What we're trying to say is that we need a new sci-fi show, stat. While we work on finding something to recap every week, let us tell you about what is possibly our favorite sci-fi show ever.

If you're new to the sci-fi genre, we will let you in on a little secret: Doctor Who. Doctor Who is fun for several reasons:

1. It's low-budget, and therefore, highly entertaining
2. It's British, which makes it better than anything American, just kidding, we don't want to turn into Gwyneth Paltrow here
3. The Doctor is generally (in new episodes, at least) played by an attractive gentleman.

We know you're sold, but before you run out the door to your local Blockbuster - or look the show up on Netflix, where you can find quite a few episodes available to watch instantly - we want to tell you about a show we think we might like even more than Doctor Who.

Probably a lot of people are going to call us blasphemers for having just said that, especially if they know what show we're about to discuss. But we shall persist in our love of this show, because it is awesome. During the second season of the most recent Doctor Who incarnation, the BBC capitalized on a couple of the show's more interesting secondary characters and created a spinoff. That spinoff is called Torchwood.

We once said on our (personal) Twitter account that we thought it was silly for people to watch Torchwood without watching Doctor Who first. We stand by that statement. Doctor Who is awesome. But one of the defining characteristics of The Doctor is that he steadfastly refuses to tell anyone anything about his past. We get to know quite a lot about his present, and about his relationships with the ladies who travel with him (of course they're always ladies ... no television show is complete without some palpable sexual tension), but hardly anything about his own personality or what his life was like before his planet was destroyed in the Time War. We think that's super lame.

What we love about Torchwood is the character development. The show revolves around Gwen Cooper (who is a descendant of the Gwen Cooper who was in the TOTALLY AWESOME Doctor Who episode about Charles Dickens, and is, of course, played by the same woman), a police officer in Cardiff. She discovers Torchwood accidentally, and although they try to erase her memory of it, she's too smart for them bwahahaha etc. Torchwood is led by Captain Jack Harkness, who is also in several episodes of Doctor Who and who cannot die. The other Torchwood officers include Doctor Owen Harper, who dies twice; Toshiko Sato, who carries a major torch for Owen but only dies once; and Ianto Jones, who is sleeping with Captain Jack and who has remained alive thus far. What, we never said Torchwood wasn't also full of cheesy things.

Whereas Doctor Who is primarily about crazy alien stuff and how smart-but-not-remotely-readable the Doctor is, Torchwood puts the aliens aside and focuses on the characters.

Let's pause to think about what we just said.

Pause over. In summation: We love us some Doctor Who, but we really appreciate the writers' decision to allow viewers to get to know the people of Torchwood. Also, we kind of have a thing for Ianto.

Dear SRSBZNZ: the Valentine's Day Edition

NOTE: In honor of Valentine's Day, SRSBZNZ is taking the opportunity to launch its advice column. If you have any pressing questions for us, let us know. We're here to help.

Dear SRSBZNZ,

My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and at the moment, she is refusing to talk to me. I want to try and work things out, but I just don't know what to do. Plus, Valentine's Day is around the corner and I really don't want to spend the holiday wanking alone in a room.

Sincerely,

Broken-Hearted

***

Dear Broken-Hearted,

Never fear: the girls of SRSBZNZ will solve your romantic woes. The fact that you're not on speaking terms with your girlfriend means that drastic measures are required to recapture her attention and to convince her of your undying love. Thus, while other experts would suggest silly things like "apologizing" and learning how to practice effective "listening skills," we're going to tell you that triggering the Zombocalypse is your best bet to rekindling the romance. Why? Because there is nothing like the threat of certain death to get hormones raging. Just look at the most recent additions to the zombie movie repertoire: in Shaun of the Dead, the zombocalypse gives the titular character a chance to perform a number of heroic acts, thus convincing his ex-girlfriend to get back together with him. In Zombieland, wimpy Columbus saves his dream girl from a gaggle of zombies and is rewarded with a kiss.

Conclusion: being heroic and selfless is the best way to win a girl's heart. So go start a zombie crisis, and then demonstrate your affection by saving your girlfriend - and her brains - from the living dead. (For ideas on how to begin the Zombocalypse, please see our Twitter.)

And just for fun, SRSBZNZ searched "zombie love" in Google, and this is what we came up with:

1. A 2007 musical entitled "Zombie Love," wherein a 200 year old zombie named Dante falls in love with a mortal girl named Claudia. As you can imagine, Dante is torn between his desire to woo Claudia and his urge to eat her brains. We are so putting this movie on our "To Watch" list.
2. A t-shirt featuring a zombie couple making out.
   

Happy Valentine's Day!

Friday Video: In Keeping with Zombies

In case you haven't noticed, SRSBZNZ has been kind of zombie-crazy this week. Blame it on Valentine's Day - who needs an unwanted suitor when there's a perfectly good undead creeper trying to eat your brains?

We at SRSBZNZ (sometimes misguidedly) adore Saturday Night Live, particularly the digital shorts featuring Andy Samberg. We could probably watch Andy stare, unblinking, at a television and be endlessly entertained, so you'll have to forgive us our SNL obsession. But we think you'll like this one, since it features our monster of the week. Oh, and also Jon Bon Jovi and Dave Grohl. It's a win for everyone involved, really.

Wednesday is for the Ladies: The Zombocalypse is SRSBZNZ.

Girlfriend, you know it's coming: The Zombocalypse. And we must be prepared!

For those who have not been preparing for this moment for the last several years, "Zombocalypse" is a contraction of "zombie" and "apocalypse." Therefore, the term Zombocalypse refers to an apocalypse involving zombies. We're sure you already knew that, but you can never be too safe in the event of a zombie attack. Now, zombies are creatures who were once dead, but have come back to life (probably by sticking their hand out of a freshly filled-in grave, climbing out, and making lots of groaning noises). They want to eat your brains. But you can defend yourself in the face of certain zombie death.

There have been several films and books dedicated to teaching us about zombie defense. (And by "several," we of course mean "gazillions.") According to Wikipedia, which we all know and love as the most legitimate research source on the interwebz, the first-ever zombie film was called White Zombie and was released in 1932. But we haven't seen that movie, so we're going to talk about different ones.

The first zombie movie we ever saw (being unfamiliar with the zombie genre at the time) was Shaun of the Dead. The creators of this film suggest that zombies can be defeated with a cricket bat or other forceful object. If you are American, a baseball bat works just fine. If you are from planet earth, but do not play sports, your zombie-killing arsenal should include some type of frying pan, as they are likely to be found in even the most remote home. But we like cricket bats because we're anglophiles.

Our next zombie exposure was the original version of Dawn of the Dead. They took out the zombies with guns, as did the soldiers of everyone's favorite zomedy (that's a word we just made up to mean a zombie movie that is also a comedy), Zombieland. If you are new to the Zombocalypse, we suggest you begin your training with Zombieland.

In addition to providing examples of weapons to be used in the event of a zombie attack (guns, cars, fists, dressing up as a zombie version of yourself), Zombieland also outlines a set of rules. Rule number one? Cardio. In other words, learn how to run. Run like the wind! We're trying to avoid saying, "Run like hell." Oops - too late.

The movie also suggests that we learn to rely only on ourselves and have no friends, but later disproves this theory by giving the main character friends and a love interest. We suggest you not follow the lone wolf rule. Friends are fun! How else will you live when you find yourself on one of those theme park rides that takes you up a tower and then drops you, and the ride is surrounded by zombies? That's what friends are for.

If, after watching Zombieland, you feel you are still unprepared for the Zombocalypse, you can always try the HelloKitty chainsaw.

HeroesPWN

OMG, y'all, the Heroes writers totally read our post! We just watched the season finale (okay, we're still watching it right now, we just couldn't wait to write this) and we are impressed.

A while ago, io9 wrote a post about how to fix Heroes. Sidenote: What is up with ZQ's eyebrows? They look like they're made of plastic.

Back to reality. The first thing io9 recommended was the deaths of Hiro Nakamura, Sylar, and Noah Bennett. The writers paid about fifty percent attention to this suggestion. Not only did Noah and Hiro not die, but their combined abilities - Noah's man-with-the-plan-itude and Hiro's ability to transport people - saved the day! Hiro's heroics are good for two reasons: one, we love him; and two, we were getting bored of his powers being all wonky. Sylar will never die. We here at SRSBZNZ have made our peace with that. Whatever. ZQ is good looking, so we guess we'll put up with him.

The first thing SRSBZNZ recommended: treat each season as its own, mostly separate, entity, like a real comic book. This finale TOTALLY DID THAT. Samuel was defeated - in a sort of anticlimactic way, granted - and the cliffhanger ending was enough to keep us interested (well, interested in the sense that we can't seem to stop watching this show even though it's kind of lame) without trying to carry over any already-meandering storylines.

Right now, SRSBZNZ is winning the Ways to Fix Heroes Contest with one point, while io9 trails with no points. Go us!

However, io9 earns half a point by recommending that Claire Bennett become the villain, which she sort of did. So you know how Samuel was going to tell the whole world about the heroes, or "specials," as they now seem to be called? Well, he failed. Sad face. But then Claire was mad at her dad for thinking that "specials" (This Week's Special: A Dude With X-Ray Vision! Only $99.95, for a Limited Time Only!) couldn't coexist openly with normal people, so she jumped off the top of one of the carnival rides in front of a bunch of news cameras. We don't think that makes her a villain, but it definitely could have negative repercussions for our favorite specials.

Now that we're reading our post, we have to take half a point away from ourselves for also recommending that Sylar get killed off. In our own defense, since this is OUR blog, we had, at that point, mostly realized that Sylar was immortal, but were not quite ready to let go of the idea that he could be written out of the show. We've since come to terms.

Final score:
SRSBZNZ: 0.5.
io9: 0.5
Heroes: 1, for not failing at season 4.

Dawn of the Literary Mashup

Put on your thinking caps, dear readers. SRSBZNZ is going to be srsly intellectual today, because we're talking about the phenomenon known as the "literary mashup" (LM). This isn't the first time we've done a post on this topic: a little while ago, we published a brief review of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. We still haven't finished the book, and for various reasons, we probably never will. But before we delve into those reasons, it might be useful to discuss what a "literary mashup" actually is.

Essentially, the LM mixes your favorite works of literature with sci-fi/fantasy tropes. A cursory search on Amazon suggests that zombies are the trope du jour, with vampires getting an honorary mention:

• Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.
• Jane Bites Back.
• The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and Zombie Jim.
• The Undead World of Oz: L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard of Oz Complete With Zombies and Monsters.
• Mr. Darcy, Vampire
  

We could go on, but we think it's clear from the list that the LM is a growing genre. But what does that mean for the world of literature? According to one literary blogger, the LM is a good thing, because it proves that culture has become a democratic enterprise. Anyone can now reinterpret books that were once the purview of snobby scholars working within the ivory tower of the university. Other bloggers have suggested that LMs will encourage audiences to read the original work of literature that the book is based on.

Well. Those are pretty hefty things to attribute to a novel about zombies. We at SRSBZNZ obviously love zombies (figuratively speaking, of course.) And we love literature. But like sex and alcohol, sometimes two enjoyable things just shouldn't mix.

To us, LMs are gimmicky. Writers and publishers seem to be adding blood, brains, and monsters to Jane Austen simply because it's "cool" to update literature in this way. Although classics need to be constantly reinterpreted in order to survive, the gratuitous addition of violence and horror underestimates the intelligence of readers. It suggests that without gore and pop culture references, we won't expose ourselves to literature voluntarily, because our generation is lazy, and we possess the attention span of a gnat (EDIT: we at SRSBZNZ admit that we're easily distracted. But not when it comes to literature.)

Another point: why can't we promote the merits of literature on its own terms? Why do we need to add monsters to Mark Twain's text in order to convince people that Huck Finn is actually a good story? It's akin to HarperCollins slapping a Twilight-esque cover on classics like Wuthering Heights and declaring the novel "Bella's Favorite." Barf.

LMs do have their good points. It takes a certain amount of ingenuity and wit to rework the opening line of Pride and Prejudice into this: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains will be in want of more brains.” And LMs do have snazzy titles. But whether or not a literary mashup can stand as an interesting novel in its own right is debatable.

Having said all this, we at SRSBZNZ will probably continue to read LMs in the hope of finding The One. After all, people continue to mix sex and alcohol all the time, and sometimes - if the stars are aligned - it can be really awesome.

Only on Heroes

Over the weekend we caught up on our Heroes - in preparation for the finale tonight - and we noticed some interesting singularities about the show. In order to wrap our minds around the CRAZY, we compiled a list. It's called "Only on Heroes."

Only on Heroes would someone say, "People think dreaming the future is a gift, but it's not."

Only on Heroes would it be that easy for Hiro, Ando, and Mohinder to escape from a mental hospital when the alarm has been going off for like ten minutes already.

Only on Heroes would a dream cure Hiro Nakamura's brain tumor. 

Only on Heroes would Sylar STILL NOT BE DEAD YET.

Only on Heroes would everybody in "the family" still believe that Samuel is the good guy.

This show is so predictable.

Kickin' it Back to the Late 90s

Some of our friends recently became fans of "DEEDEE! GET OUT OF MY LABORRRATORY!" on Facebook, and although we're pretty choosy about our fan pages, we did feel compelled to check this one out. We didn't realize it at the time, but Dexter's Laboratory was a pretty great science fiction show when we were youngsters. We love mad scientists because they come up with the most outrageous schemes, typically with hilarious results that make us both pity and ridicule the schemers. We also love prodigious children, because, well, they're just so cute. What better idea than combining them both: a prodigious, mad-scientist child ... who only wants some ice cream. Without further ado, we present: Dexter's Battle With the Ice Cream Man.

Friday Celebration Post!

It's Friday. THANK GOD. And because we're sure that everybody is in a catatonic state from having survived another week, we've decided that the only way to alleviate your pain is to bombard you with lulzy visuals. So without further ado, we present various macros featuring a confused Darth Vader, Karl Urban during his Xena days, and other depictions of silliness.

Wednesday is For the Ladies: Idiocy is SRSBZNZ

Since this blog calls itself "The Twentysomething Girl's Guide to Sci-Fi and Fantasy," we thought we might start using our Wednesday posts to write things that connect twentysomething-year-old girls with, well, sci-fi and fantasy. This week, we would like to discuss Stupid Behavior By Young Women and its role in the sci-fi and fantasy genre (not to mention the countless other genres - including our local news - that employ this strategy to scare the pants off us on a nightly basis).

We know the scene all too well: young girl, driving by herself at night on a deserted road, stops for some reason or other, and is kidnapped, raped, murdered, you name it. We know that you, dear readers, are too intelligent to do this, because WHO GETS OUT OF THEIR CAR AT NIGHT ON A DESERTED ROAD AND LEAVES THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION (why, yes, we are thinking of a specific televised scene right now, how did you know?), but we just want to remind you of the dangers. Sci-fi shows loooove to use this sort of unwise behavior as an excuse for you to get shot by a crazy-advanced alien gun, because sci-fi writers are all boys, and you know how boys love their guns (both of the literal and the figurative sort). See also: murder shows wherein you get shot and die, local news wherein you get shot and die, Heroes wherein Sylar cuts your head open and steals your ability, or any of the above and carjacking. Trust us, you do NOT want to be stranded on a deserted road with no phone and no car. So please, ladies. Don't stop the car. Call 911 as you drive to the nearest public place, and let the police know where you will be.

This has been your public service announcement for the day.

Why Geeky Girls Make Better Lovers

It's a tough world for geeky girls, especially when it comes to finding love. Apparently, enthusiasm for shows like Battlestar Galactica are pretty lame tools of seduction (who knew?) Nevertheless, we have hope that some boys out there will understand the true value of a geeky girl. This post initially began as a pep talk to our female readers, but somewhere along the way, it turned into a letter addressed to any and all men who happen to be reading our blog. Boys, we know each of you have personal preferences regarding girls. But have you ever considered the reasons why geeky girls might make better lovers? If not, then sally forth, dear reader.

Reason #1: We're not afraid of role playing.

Yeah, we went there. Maybe you've harbored a secret desire to sleep with Princess Leia since you were 10. Don't worry: you can tell us. We're used to dressing up as our favorite character at anime or sci-fi conventions (see above), so we're going to be more open to the idea of gallivanting about the bedroom in a costume than most women. Think about it.

Reason #2: We possess the knowledge and ability to save your ass during the zombie apocalypse.

On the surface, being a geeky girl has few social advantages. But what happens when the entire fabric of society breaks down, because people start turning into zombies? That's when you'll be glad to have us around. We don't like to brag, but geeky girls are pretty well-versed in zombie movies and books. Consequently, if you're faced with a moaning horde of incoming death, we'll know (theoretically) how to handle ourselves - step 1: acquire a blunt instrument capable of bashing in heads. Plus, as Mr. Darcy found out in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, girls who boast an impressive number of zombie kills are pretty hot. So when the zombie apocalypse hits, you won't have to worry about protecting us, though we appreciate the effort. Give us a frying pan, and we'll kill the zombie for you and then make you breakfast.

Reason #3: You don't need to take us to see romantic comedies.

Don't want to see that new Kristen Bell movie, because the romantic leads have the charisma and chemistry of Wonder Bread? Well, neither do we. In fact, if you want to ogle at giant robots crashing into each other or angels wielding machine guns, we are completely down with that. We'd even prefer it (not least because sci-fi movies - with the exception of Transformers - typically boast a really hot, bad-ass leading man.)

Reason #4: We're smart.

Everyone knows that intelligent women are sexy. Geeky girls happen to be a subsection of that category. Most geeky girls tend to be avid readers, and many of us apply those skills of literary analysis to movies as well. So if you need a woman who is imaginative, curious about the world, and has the ability to bring the snark about Avatar to a tepid dinner conversation, a geeky girl is your best bet.

Reason #5: We love technology too.

We like to obsess about newfangled gadgetry as much as the next boy. In fact, Best Buy and Future Shop are like playgrounds to us. Now why can't boys view H&M in the same way?

Reason #6: Did we mention the role-playing?

Caprica What?!

... No, really. We spent about half of this two-hour premiere asking ourselves what was going on. Pilots are always like that, though, so fear not, clever readers! We'll be watching this week, too. (Okay, so we're a little late on the review. Blame it on the fact that we have a life. Also, we don't get paid for this. Show us the money and we'll talk about timely reviews.)

Okay, so first of all, props to whomever hired Ann Number One from Arrested Development to play main character Zoe Graystone. Props taken from whomever named her "Graystone," because we will always think, "By the power of Greyskull!" whenever we see her or her parents.

Now, you might be wondering about the premise of this show. Zoe, she of the Power of Greyskull, is all computer genius-y and involved in some kind of weird avatar world where everybody is TOTALLY FREAKIN' CRAZY and people are, like, shooting each other and sacrificing virgins, and engaging in all sorts of despicable behavior. But Zoe and her friends are trying to undermine that avatar world (we think?) because they believe in some sort of monotheistic - and, apparently, to everyone else on Caprica, crazy - religion. But then Zoe goes and gets herself blown up.

You may think the show ends there, but no! Because the two hours are not up yet, we discover that Zoe's avatar survived. Because she is a computer genius and created an avatar that couldn't die, we don't know, whatever. The point of all this is to get to the part about her dad. Her dad finds out about this surviving avatar, and because he's all computer genius-y, tries to make it into a Real Boy, like Pinocchio, except it's actually a girl. Duh. What, did you think this show was about wooden puppets?

Anyways, Zoe's dad makes friends with this guy from our mom's favorite show, Da Vinci's Inquest, which is some kind of Canadian answer to Law and Order, except with more of a serial plotline. So this dude, who is from a planet called Tauron, where apparently everyone eats dirt (no they don't), has just lost his wife and daughter. Zoe's dad is all like, I WILL BRING YOUR DAUGHTER BACK TO LIFE IN THE AVATAR WORLD! and then he does, but the daughter is like, um, no thank you, this is weird, because my REAL self is dead. So we're not really sure how this Tauron dude is going to continue to fit in the plot, but he got so much screen time during the pilot that we know he's important.

Finally, because we're sure you're ready for this recap to just end already - we know we are - the icing on the cake: Zoe's dad has created this robot that looks just like Megatron, only smaller, and he tries to transfer Zoe's avatar into it, but it doesn't work ... except it DOES!!!!!! The episode ends with Zoe's voice speaking out of the tiny - well, tiny by comparison, anyway - Megatron, asking her friend for help.

Um, hi. We love any pilot episode that ends with a girl-robot asking someone for help. Because it's ridiculous. And since you don't know us too well, internetz, we love ridiculous.

Our one complaint about this show is that their favorite swear word is apparently "frak." In case you're not an avid 30 Rock watcher like us, that's their favorite fake swear word. When someone calls someone else a "frakkin' dirt eater," we cannot hold it together. It sounds ridiculous - but not the good kind of ridiculous, the kind where you're like, really? You couldn't come up with a better swear word? Really. What the frak were you thinking?!

 

Images from Oh Mars, Share of Voice,  and Geek Sugar