Wednesday is For the Ladies, and That's the Only Reason We're Writing This.

We've read the books and seen the movies, and we have to admit ... we have a love/hate relationship with Twilight. On the one hand, Smeyer writes a pretty entertaining love story, so long as you're a sucker. Which we are. On the other hand, if you are a reflective sort of reader, once you detach yourself from the story, you wish fervently that you could rewind your day and do something else with it.

For us, the moment of reflective clarity came during Breaking Dawn. We thought the book overall was kind of lame, but once she got to the part where Bella named her baby Renesmee, it was over. We could no longer take it seriously. Our irreverence, however, made watching the movies so much more entertaining.

While we're on the subject, we have a confession to make: we got chastised by rabid fans during the midnight showing of Twilight. Our friend, who is of the gentleman variety, really wanted to see the midnight showing, and we were happy for him to use our enthusiasm as an excuse ("What? She dragged me to it!"). Whilst we giggled happily at every moment of pure awkwardness, the fan next to us apparently became angrier and angrier, until she said, "Shut the [expletive deleted] up or LEAVE!" It just made us giggle more.

ANYWAYS. Since Wednesday is for the Ladies, we thought we might discuss the gentlemen of the Twilight series, particularly Edward and Jacob. We are wholeheartedly on the side of Team Jacob, because he is happy much more frequently than Edward. Jacob cracks jokes. He tries to make Bella smile. Basically, he's kind of a sweetheart. And although we understand why that would not be something you would want your boyfriend to do ALL the time - we certainly wouldn't - he's just way less lame than Edward.

Despite our fervent love of Jacob, we understand the appeal of Edward. He's all mysterious and broody, and we, who are fair-skinned, would definitely not be intimidated by his tan, since he doesn't have one. Also, we really like rain. And the Cullens are nice ... Okay, we really don't get why everybody is all up in Edward's business.

Allow us to outline some of our reasons for disliking Edward.

1. He's selfish. All he ever thinks about is how much he loves Bella, and why that's bad or whatever. He never thinks about what she might want. Jacob is all about what Bella wants.
2. He's too serious. Dude, chill out. Yes, there are psycho vampires around. But don't you realize that love conquers everything, even bloodsuckers?
3. He's kind of a control freak. Edward is always trying to "protect" Bella by forbidding her to leave her house, or sending family members to spy on her. Jacob, on the other hand, allows Bella some space. He'll tell her if she's doing something stupid, but he never says, "I am going to prevent something from occurring because I think it will protect you." Edward does it all the freakin' time. Liek, OMG, let her think for herself.
4. He's cold. This is totally a personal quirk. We are always cold. No, seriously, our fingers are like ice cubes RIGHT NOW, as we type this. We could not handle the vampire.

Yes, we think Edward is super lame, but really, we think the whole series is kind of lame. Even though we find Jacob infinitely preferable to Edward, we would not date either of them (we would also not date their real-life counterparts, because RPattz is totally a stoner and Taylor Lautner is too young). In fact, we're not even sure why we spent the last half-hour writing about them.

Peace out.