Repo Men

"It's bloodier than Inglourious Basterds." - Our mom.

Based on the novel "Repossession Mambo" by Eric Garcia, Repo Men is a sexy, gleefully violent film with a serious message at its core. The premise: in the not-so-distant future, a company called "The Union" sells pricy, artifical organs to the populace. Remy (played by an extremely charming, muscular Jude Law) is an employee of The Union. He's not a salesman though. He's a repo man whose job is to forcibly remove the artiforg from your body if you fall behind in payments. Remy enjoys his career, especially when he works alongside his best friend, Jake (played by a deranged-looking, badass Forest Whittaker.) However, when a job goes wrong, our anti-hero is forced to get an artificial heart. And that's when he starts having second thoughts about his job.

This film is definitely not for everyone. If you're the kind of gal who feels faint at the sight of blood or can't stand to watch those E.R. shows on TLC, you should either stay away from Repo Men or bring a barf bag to the theater. The film is action-packed and has enough scenes featuring vivisection to keep your inner sadistic surgeon happy. Nevertheless, the violence in Repo Men never feels gratuitous. On the contrary, the film's focus on blood, gore, and guts is completely necessary: it highlights how human life has become terrifyingly cheap in a world where good health is a commodity, and not a basic human right.

The soundtrack is one of the best aspects of Repo Men. Most of the songs pay homage to the book title by being of the big band, swing era. More importantly, such happy music only serves to heighten the film's black humor. When the movie opens with Remy humming merrily along to Rosemary Clooney's "Sway" as he slices and dices his latest victim, you know you're in for a treat.

The film's only drawback might be its lack of subtlety. The movie doesn't hestitate to thrust its morals in our face by giving Remy and Jake long monologues that would make Hamlet jealous. But we're going to assume that you won't be seeing this movie for its tactfulness. Go see this movie for its stylized violence, vision of a dystopian future, and the palpable chemistry between Jude Law and Forest Whittaker.

We give Repo Men 2 out of 3 tribbles.

Wednesday is For the Ladies: A Handy Guide to Science Fiction

Being ladies, we understand that sometimes men can be a bit confusing. We also understand that some ladies do not find science fiction as fascinating as we do, and they really only put up with it out of love for said confusing men. It's all good. But if you're looking for a guide to some of the more famous sci-fi characters (and, okay, Jesus), look no further:

Photo credit to somebody's Xanga, via our (and when we say "our," we refer to both writers of this blog) friend Adam. You rock, Adam!

The Enterprise...SHE EXISTS!

If Gene Roddenberry were still alive, he'd be crapping himself.

Sir Richard Branson, billionaire owner of that corporate conglomeration with the really suggestive name - that's Virgin Group to you, peasants - launched his spaceship on its first test flight over the Mojave Desert at 7:05 am yesterday (Monday, March 22.) The spaceship is part of Virgin Galactic's commercial space travel program. She holds six passengers and has been named the Virgin Spaceship (VSS) Enterprise. For those of you hoping to board the mothership, tickets are going for $200,000.

News of the maiden flight makes SRSBZNZ inordinately excited, given the fact that every time a plane flies overhead, we always imagine that it is the Enterprise anyways. We're slightly ashamed to admit, though, that we think that "VSS Enterprise" sounds vaguely dirty. It could moonlight as the title for a new Star Trek-inspired porno. Nevertheless, it's sweet that Virgin tipped its hat to the man who told us to boldly go in the first place.

For more information about the maiden flight, check out this article.

If the VSS Enterprise was a movie, we'd employ our new movie rating system by giving it three out of three tribbles.

NOTE: No tribbles were harmed in the making of this rating system. We may occasionally joke about using tribbles to adorn Zoe Saldana's dress or employing one as a brillo pad, but we're only kidding. Tribbles are awesome: they're cute, furry, make cooing noises, and their only goals in life are to eat and reproduce. If we're being frank, we wouldn't mind living that kind of existence too.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter ... Yes, It's Real.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, you ask? But what is this magic? Can this be real?

Yes, it is one hundred percent real, it is one hundred percent awesome - okay, maybe like 92 percent awesome, we'll get to the other 8 percent in a moment - and, for those of you who get all your entertainment from the interwebz, it is one hundred percent streaming on Netflix.

The premise is this: Vampires have been murdering lesbians in a town, which is presumably Ottawa, because that is where it was filmed. Why, you ask? Because they can wear the lesbians' skin out in the sunshine, so that they will no longer be limited to night-stalking. Ignoring the fact that that's SO CREEPY (wearing their skin??? GROSS), who can save the lesbians from the horrible fate of becoming just another fur in the shop? Jesus, of course!

We will refrain from telling you more of the plot, but suffice it to say, this movie is kind of epic. Probably our favorite moment while watching the movie was when Jesus pulled out some money and our friend said, "That looks like Monopoly money," and - being expert Canadian money-spotters - it dawned on us that not only was this film a low-budget camp-fest, it was a low-budget Canadian camp-fest. We have a soft spot for anything Canadian because, well, one of us used to live in Canada and the other one still does. Also, Canada kind of rocks.

Our other favorite moment was when a lady vampire tried to kick Jesus in the face, so he pulled off her shoe and whacked her in the head with it.

The only aspect of this movie that we can complain about is the sound quality. Since it's so low-budget, it's often hard to hear what everyone is saying, not to mention the "background" music is often in the foreground. (It's loud.) But let's face it, who needs sound quality when you have Jesus beating people up with tennis shoes?

SRSBZNZ hearts Star Trek, so we're implementing a new film-rating system, right now, as we type this. We're spontaneous like that. We give this movie two-point-five out of three tribbles. It's awesome, but the sound issues were a little irritating.

SRSBZNZ: BZNZ

Dear Reader,

SRSBZNZ is currently experiencing technical difficulties. PLZ to bear with us; we will BBS. We're going to go ahead and say next week. Call it Spring Break, although we'll be working all week.

May the Force be with you (and us),

SRSBZNZ

Oh, and happy St. Patty's day. Send us your pictures of leprechaun sightings.

Friday Whaaaat: the Texts From Last Night Edition

If you're thinking of finally getting out of your basement and becoming a regular member of society by engaging in the practice of imbibing alcoholic beverages, dancing drunkenly, and then waking up to a complete stranger this weekend, SRSBZNZ would like to offer a friendly reminder of what happens when geeks combine texting and alcohol.

Texts Involving "Zombies"

(203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

(850): Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?

(704): "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std." this might be how zombies came about. Peace civilization.

Texts Involving "Star Trek"

(727): She called me "Spock" and proceeded to ask me to "teach her the ways of the force." I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I f*cking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

(413): Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres [sic] me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door.

And SRSBZNZ's personal favorite:

(540): what do you have against ST
(1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

Texts Involving "Avatar"

(484): the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"

(419): is it weird that i found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

Texts Involving "Harry Potter"

(818): i woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.

(720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and wizards are mutually exclusive.

And again, SRSBZNZ's personal favorite:

(860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

Wednesday is For the Ladies: Oscar Dresses!

Ladies, you know we'd never let you down. SRSBZNZ loves the geekery, but we also love the fashion. See? You can love Sci-Fi and still be interested in the clothes.

We have to say, we were not that keen on most of the dresses this year. The show was pretty spectacular, but the clothes? Boring. Except for the earrings. They were awesome. That said, we're sticking to the sci-fi for this round-up, so we cut out the riff-raff (not in a sci-fi movie? PSHHH, we want nothing to do with you) and kept the relevant.

First up, one of our favorite sci-fi gentlemen, Chris Pine, AKA CAPTAIN FREAKIN' KIRK:

Hello, you attractive gentleman. We like your bow tie. Want to come over to our place tonight? We're making guacamole and we're happy to feed it to you while fanning you with palm leaves.

While we're on the subject of ST, here is Zoe Saldana. You already know our opinion of Zoe: She's pretty, but we'd prefer that she not talk. Also, she was either wearing a piñata or she stole the bag of shredded documents from our kitchen and hot-glued them onto her dress.

Zoe may not be our favorite, but she did co-star in Avatar with one of the queens of science fiction, Sigourney Weaver, who looked FABULOUS in this red dress:

Does this really need explanation? She looks lovely.

Now we switch gears to a franchise that is entirely not Oscar-Worthy. It's cheesy, but we secretly kind of love it. Yes, that's right: Twilight. We'll be gentle and start with Anna Kendrick. She may have been in Up in the Air, but let's not forget she also plays Jessica in these, our favorite teenage vampire-werewolf showdown films. She looked pretty fabulous in this pink number (although Mr. Jay from the E! Red Carpet show insisted on calling it "blush"). Despite its simplicity, we think it might be our favorite nominee dress. The lacy slit gives it just a little bit of edge. Loves!

We were a little ashamed to admit this during the Oscars, and we're a little ashamed to admit it now. We're kind of proud of KStew. Okay, so she went with basic black, and she's totally smirking in this picture because apparently she's too cool for red carpets. And, as usual, she looks like she hasn't washed her hair in a couple of weeks. But the dress is really classy. It fits her nicely, she's not trying to hide her shoulders by slouching like Miley, and she just looks ... well, nice. Good job, KStew!

The 2010 Oscars showed us some good and some bad, but we mustn't forget the noticeable absence of Zachary Quinto. Yeah, Chris Pine made a pretty epic Captain Kirk, but let's not forget how awesome ZQ was as Mr. Spock. In spite of all the beauty we have seen in this post, we must also mourn the absence of our favorite pointy-eared, questionably-eyebrowed, vulcan-human half-breed - errrr, actor. We love you, ZQ! Do our post-Oscar posting a favor and make an appearance next year. Plz?

2010 Oscars: What We're Thankful For

According to 99% of the blogs out there, the 82nd Academy Awards show was an absolute bore. Yeah, the broadcast wasn't perfect. So maybe Kathy Ireland's interviewing skills made us want to punch a baby. So maybe the Steve Martin-Alec Baldwin partnership only elicited tepid laughs from the audience when they weren't making fun of Meryl Streep (though to be fair, George Clooney's Death Stare was not helping the situation.) So maybe there was that really awkward Kanye moment. But so what? We think there were a number of amazing occurrences that made this year's Oscars a success. Here are the moments that SRSBZNZ is thankful for:

Robert Downey Jr. and Tina Fey's presentation speech for Best Original Screenplay

Ah, RDJ. Thank God for you and your Tony Stark-esque suavity and sarcastic wit. As soon as RDJ came on stage sporting blue shades and a radiant Tina Fey on his arm, you knew it was going to be awesome. Our favorite line: "[Movie-making] is a collaboration. It's a collaboration between handsome, gifted people and sickly little mole people." Count on Iron Man and Liz Lemon to make fun of Hollywood at its most self-congratulatory moment.

Michael Giacchino's win for Best Score

Up isn't a sci-fi/fantasy film, but as Eva remarked during the broadcast, we want Mr. Giacchino to be our new BFF. Any person who can compose film scores as diverse as Up, Ratatouille, Speed Racer, and Star Trek is a creative genius who deserves to win.

Ben Stiller as a Na'avi

There was no better way to preface Star Trek's win in the Best Makeup category than having Ben Stiller come out looking utterly ridiculous. The majesty of ten foot tall blue people has officially been deflated. Stiller's best line: (to James Cameron) "I want to plug my braid into your dragon...and my tail." And we can't forget "I see you" followed by that long, uncomfortable silence. Most of the audience didn't know how to react to Stiller, which made the moment even better. The use of a fishing rod to wave his tail around was also a brilliant way to poke fun at Avatar's blatant use of cutting-edge technology.

Films like District 9 and Avatar being included in the "Best Picture" category

This year, the Academy expanded the Best Picture category to ten films. We have mixed feelings about Avatar, and it was clear that District 9 didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning. Nevertheless, it seemed like it was the first time that the Academy was acknowledging the sci-fi/fantasy genre since Return of the King. We hope that such recognition continues in the future.

Chris Pine being sex on legs and knowing how to wear a tux

We're not going to lie: every time Chris Pine appeared on screen, we yelled his name and pointed excitedly at our TVs. The boy brought his mama, which we think is unbearably sweet. And we even got to listen to his super sexy, gravely voice as he did the introduction for District 9. Yeah, we're fan girls. But we dare any straight girl or gay boy to look at Captain Kirk and not say, "Shit son. Break me off a piece of that."

James Cameron didn't win "Best Director"

Without a doubt, James Cameron is a visionary. Avatar was incredible eye candy, even if its story was essentially a retelling of Pochahontas. Nevertheless, we're glad that he didn't win this time around. Sorry, James.

Avatar didn't win "Best Picture"

See above.

Star Trek finally won an Oscar

When Star Trek was snubbed for Best Picture, fans and critics alike were left scratching their noggins in bewilderment. Despite this upset, we're still grateful that ST won something. After almost fifty years and eleven films, it was about time. Oh, and it's clear that Mindy Hall really loves the cast. Congratulations to the makeup team!

Oscars BZNZ

We all know that SRSBZNZ is here for the geek love, be it science fiction, fantasy, real science, or the gentlemen involved in the making of any of those things. But we are ladies, after all, and we love us some Oscar dresses. Instead of writing a real post today, we'd like to share with you some loveliness from our Skype chat during the Academy Awards this evening. This is probably the only post in which you will ever see us refer to ourselves in first person singular. We do love the Royal We, but for the sake of authenticity, we kept the "I" in our snippets.

Lacey: fun fact: cp is presenting the clip for district 9
Eva: yessssss
Eva: but where is zq
Lacey: i'm not sure! but both of them were invited to the oscar pre-party last night, so he should be somewhere. they should present it TOGETHER.
Eva: yes they should
Eva: and they should present dressed as kirk and spock
Eva: but with cp as spock and zq as kirk

Eva: basically the only nominated films i've seen are star trek and harry potter and the half-blood prince
Eva: HMM I WONDER WHERE MY INTERESTS LIE

When somebody won an award and thanked his wife:
Lacey: "i love you more than rainbows"
Lacey: shit, i want someone to say that to me
Eva: uhhhhh
Eva: i would be okay if no one ever said that to me
Eva: i love you like a fat kid loves cake ...
Eva: that i could get behind

When Chris Pine presented a clip of District 9:
Lacey: CHRIS PINE
Lacey: jesus, couldn't the camera have done a close up?
Lacey: i mean, srsly? the camera was like a football field away. WE WANT TO SEE TEH PRETTY

Lacey: HAHA my mom was just like, "how DARE they not zoom up on cp's face?"

When Ben Stiller presented the award for Best Makeup:
Eva: ben stiller gets the award for worst makeup
Lacey: STAR TREK WAS NOMINATED. yes, wear spock ears
Eva: spock ears > blue dude
Eva: i love how he's cursing james cameron
Lacey: plz let it be star trek
Lacey: YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Eva: STAR TREK
Eva: WINZ
Eva: N00BS
Eva: I LOVE SPOCK
Lacey: CHRIS PINE
Lacey: GODDAMN IT'S LIKE WINNING GOLD AT THE OLYMPICS

When Charlize Theron was presenting ... something ... we were distracted, okay?
Eva: hahaha charlize and her cabbage boobs
Eva: it just looks like a lascivious young pair of cabbages is grabbing her from behind
Lacey: i know it's not related to sci-fi/fantasy, but...sentient cabbages? close enough

When The Cove won best documentary:
Lacey: somewhere hayden panettiere is celebrating.

Image from The Telegraph

Friday Video: Darth Vader Being a Smartass

It's Friday, and as you can imagine, we're feeling carefree and ... okay, immature. So here's a video of Darth Vader acting like an infuriating twelve-year-old.

Wednesday is For the Ladies: Fake Sci-Fi

We went to see Cop Out last night. What, we love Tracy Morgan, and we're not ashamed to admit it. It was okay, but it got us thinking about all the totally impossible stuff that goes on in movies that aren't actually supposed to fall into the science fiction genre.

That's right, ladies. Moviemakers continually try to fool you with their crazy stunts, so that you will think that blatantly impossible occurrences can totally happen. Do not allow them to dupe you! Here are some crazy tricks to look out for.

1. Fake ninja moves. One of our good friends is a ninja, and it's quite an eye-opening experience to go to the movies with her. All those fight scenes in the movies? Unnecessary. For example, when Dude Number One spends fifteen seconds twirling his fighting-stick and then delivers a fatal blow to Dude Number Two. We don't even think about how ridiculous that is while we're watching the movies, but you just know that if that fight were real, Dude Number Two would A) have kicked Dude Number One where the sun don't shine, or B) pulled a SRSBZNZ and RUN LIKE HELL in the other direction. It is scientifically impossible (okay, maybe we're exaggerating a little bit) for Dude Number One to win a fight when he's so distracted by his own baton-twirling skillz.

2. Running away from explosions. First of all, NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION EXPLOSIONS. Don't try to tell us that you can say, "Hmm, I think something is going to blow up in exactly one-point-five seconds and I can totally outrun it." We call your bluff, Hollywood. Your ass is dead. It got blown up along with everything else. If surviving a huge bomb blast twenty feet away from where you ended up (we're assuming you're a ridiculously fast runner) isn't science fiction, we don't know what is.

3. Two main characters taking time out from the danger to declare their love for one another. We're sorry, but that bomb that's one-point-five seconds away from exploding? Probably not going to wait for your crush to tell you he wants to be with you forever and ever, amen. This is not to say that danger doesn't make people fall in love, but we're going to let you in on a little secret: Dude is probably more interested in escaping the explosion than he is in you. It's that whole self-preservation thing. We're sure he'll take time for you later, though.

So, ladies, just remember: Hollywood is full of lies, and you can find science fiction in any movie, no matter what the "genre." (We never liked labels, anyway).

Dear SRSBZNZ: Vol. 3.

Normally we wouldn't write two of these columns so close together, but we think this letter demands our immediate attention:

Dear SRSBZNZ, 

I love Star Trek like it is my own child. Nothing makes me happier than watching Captain Kirk punch the crap out of some dude in an alligator alien suit. The only problem is, my boyfriend is a Star Wars fan (ugh, loser), and he has expressed the desire to burn my entire Blu-Ray Trek collection. I want to move in with him, but I worry about what will happen if we ever have to share a TV. What should I do?


Sincerely, 
SRS Trekkie

***

Dear Trekkie,

While we understand your concern, we think you both need to get over yourselves. You won't get anywhere with your boyfriend by calling him a loser for liking Star Wars, and we hope you're wise enough to hightail it out of there if he actually burns your Blu-Ray collection. That's not just mean, it's kind of scary.

But seriously. You and your boyfriend are missing out on some very important bonding opportunities. Both of these franchises are brilliant in their own way. If you allow your boyfriend to share Star Wars with you, maybe he will become more open to the possibility of watching Star Trek. You can use these series as opportunities to learn about each other. However, by refusing to see the value of each other's favorite series, you and your boyfriend are just perpetuating a really stupid feud. Geek wars are for, well, geeks. But, like, the lame kind. The SRSBZNZ geek takes all science fiction and appreciates its good and bad points. Also, the SRSBZNZ geek spreads peace and love. We're like the hippies of geekdom, but unlike hippies (and many geeks), we shower regularly.

So, Trekkie, get out the popcorn and settle in for an evening of Star Wars goodness. If nothing else, we're pretty sure you'll love R2-D2.

May the Force Live Long and Prosper With You,
SRSBZNZ

Image from awfulcontent.com