Oscars BZNZ

We all know that SRSBZNZ is here for the geek love, be it science fiction, fantasy, real science, or the gentlemen involved in the making of any of those things. But we are ladies, after all, and we love us some Oscar dresses. Instead of writing a real post today, we'd like to share with you some loveliness from our Skype chat during the Academy Awards this evening. This is probably the only post in which you will ever see us refer to ourselves in first person singular. We do love the Royal We, but for the sake of authenticity, we kept the "I" in our snippets.

Lacey: fun fact: cp is presenting the clip for district 9
Eva: yessssss
Eva: but where is zq
Lacey: i'm not sure! but both of them were invited to the oscar pre-party last night, so he should be somewhere. they should present it TOGETHER.
Eva: yes they should
Eva: and they should present dressed as kirk and spock
Eva: but with cp as spock and zq as kirk

Eva: basically the only nominated films i've seen are star trek and harry potter and the half-blood prince
Eva: HMM I WONDER WHERE MY INTERESTS LIE

When somebody won an award and thanked his wife:
Lacey: "i love you more than rainbows"
Lacey: shit, i want someone to say that to me
Eva: uhhhhh
Eva: i would be okay if no one ever said that to me
Eva: i love you like a fat kid loves cake ...
Eva: that i could get behind

When Chris Pine presented a clip of District 9:
Lacey: CHRIS PINE
Lacey: jesus, couldn't the camera have done a close up?
Lacey: i mean, srsly? the camera was like a football field away. WE WANT TO SEE TEH PRETTY

Lacey: HAHA my mom was just like, "how DARE they not zoom up on cp's face?"

When Ben Stiller presented the award for Best Makeup:
Eva: ben stiller gets the award for worst makeup
Lacey: STAR TREK WAS NOMINATED. yes, wear spock ears
Eva: spock ears > blue dude
Eva: i love how he's cursing james cameron
Lacey: plz let it be star trek
Lacey: YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Eva: STAR TREK
Eva: WINZ
Eva: N00BS
Eva: I LOVE SPOCK
Lacey: CHRIS PINE
Lacey: GODDAMN IT'S LIKE WINNING GOLD AT THE OLYMPICS

When Charlize Theron was presenting ... something ... we were distracted, okay?
Eva: hahaha charlize and her cabbage boobs
Eva: it just looks like a lascivious young pair of cabbages is grabbing her from behind
Lacey: i know it's not related to sci-fi/fantasy, but...sentient cabbages? close enough

When The Cove won best documentary:
Lacey: somewhere hayden panettiere is celebrating.

Image from The Telegraph

Dear SRSBZNZ: Vol. 3.

Normally we wouldn't write two of these columns so close together, but we think this letter demands our immediate attention:

Dear SRSBZNZ, 

I love Star Trek like it is my own child. Nothing makes me happier than watching Captain Kirk punch the crap out of some dude in an alligator alien suit. The only problem is, my boyfriend is a Star Wars fan (ugh, loser), and he has expressed the desire to burn my entire Blu-Ray Trek collection. I want to move in with him, but I worry about what will happen if we ever have to share a TV. What should I do?


Sincerely, 
SRS Trekkie

***

Dear Trekkie,

While we understand your concern, we think you both need to get over yourselves. You won't get anywhere with your boyfriend by calling him a loser for liking Star Wars, and we hope you're wise enough to hightail it out of there if he actually burns your Blu-Ray collection. That's not just mean, it's kind of scary.

But seriously. You and your boyfriend are missing out on some very important bonding opportunities. Both of these franchises are brilliant in their own way. If you allow your boyfriend to share Star Wars with you, maybe he will become more open to the possibility of watching Star Trek. You can use these series as opportunities to learn about each other. However, by refusing to see the value of each other's favorite series, you and your boyfriend are just perpetuating a really stupid feud. Geek wars are for, well, geeks. But, like, the lame kind. The SRSBZNZ geek takes all science fiction and appreciates its good and bad points. Also, the SRSBZNZ geek spreads peace and love. We're like the hippies of geekdom, but unlike hippies (and many geeks), we shower regularly.

So, Trekkie, get out the popcorn and settle in for an evening of Star Wars goodness. If nothing else, we're pretty sure you'll love R2-D2.

May the Force Live Long and Prosper With You,
SRSBZNZ

Image from awfulcontent.com

Dear SRSBZNZ: Vol. 2

Dear SRSBZNZ,

My mom recently showed me a dating book called Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Under the heading "Be Careful What You Say," the Rabbi lists a number of topics to avoid whilst on your first date. At one point, he says, "Never talk about Star Trek." My question is: srsly? Never talk about Star Trek on a date?

Sincerely,

Srsly Confused

***

Dear Srsly Confused,

Firstly, Rabbi Shmuley wrote a dating book?? Interesting.

Anyways, let's examine his advice. As fans of Star Trek, we were admittedly annoyed at the good Rabbi. After all, what's wrong with being a Trekkie? The show is a cultural force, and countless people have fallen in love with its characters and numerous spin-offs. Why then would it be a social faux pas to gush about the ample nacelles of the Enterprise? SRSBZNZ is going to suggest that it goes right back to the stigma attached to being a geek. Despite our unbelievably scientific study, society still views geeks as social pariahs. Apparently, we're awkward, lonely, and capable of emotional fulfillment only through weird intellectual and technological pursuits. Given this perception, no wonder Rabbi Shmuley disapproves of flashing your geek cred over dinner. You might as well be telling your date that you have herpes.

So what should you do? Here is our advice. SRSBZNZ recommends that unless your date is a certified Trekkie, it's probably best to refrain from showing off your in-depth knowledge of that "Shore Leave" episode or waxing poetic on your childhood fear of the Borg. The principle behind our opinion is this: when you're on a date, you don't want to blab incessantly about your favorite hobby, no matter what it is. It's rather self-involved, and if your date doesn't share your interest, he's going to be bored. Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong in revealing your love for Star Trek if the topic of favorite TV shows ever comes up. If your date is really into you, he'll be - at worst - politely indifferent, and at best, enthusiastic or amused.

And really, let's think about the long-term here: if you don't scare your potential SO away the first time around, you always have time in the future to convert him into a fan.

Dear SRSBZNZ: the Valentine's Day Edition

NOTE: In honor of Valentine's Day, SRSBZNZ is taking the opportunity to launch its advice column. If you have any pressing questions for us, let us know. We're here to help.

Dear SRSBZNZ,

My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and at the moment, she is refusing to talk to me. I want to try and work things out, but I just don't know what to do. Plus, Valentine's Day is around the corner and I really don't want to spend the holiday wanking alone in a room.

Sincerely,

Broken-Hearted

***

Dear Broken-Hearted,

Never fear: the girls of SRSBZNZ will solve your romantic woes. The fact that you're not on speaking terms with your girlfriend means that drastic measures are required to recapture her attention and to convince her of your undying love. Thus, while other experts would suggest silly things like "apologizing" and learning how to practice effective "listening skills," we're going to tell you that triggering the Zombocalypse is your best bet to rekindling the romance. Why? Because there is nothing like the threat of certain death to get hormones raging. Just look at the most recent additions to the zombie movie repertoire: in Shaun of the Dead, the zombocalypse gives the titular character a chance to perform a number of heroic acts, thus convincing his ex-girlfriend to get back together with him. In Zombieland, wimpy Columbus saves his dream girl from a gaggle of zombies and is rewarded with a kiss.

Conclusion: being heroic and selfless is the best way to win a girl's heart. So go start a zombie crisis, and then demonstrate your affection by saving your girlfriend - and her brains - from the living dead. (For ideas on how to begin the Zombocalypse, please see our Twitter.)

And just for fun, SRSBZNZ searched "zombie love" in Google, and this is what we came up with:

1. A 2007 musical entitled "Zombie Love," wherein a 200 year old zombie named Dante falls in love with a mortal girl named Claudia. As you can imagine, Dante is torn between his desire to woo Claudia and his urge to eat her brains. We are so putting this movie on our "To Watch" list.
2. A t-shirt featuring a zombie couple making out.
   

Happy Valentine's Day!

Why Geeky Girls Make Better Lovers

It's a tough world for geeky girls, especially when it comes to finding love. Apparently, enthusiasm for shows like Battlestar Galactica are pretty lame tools of seduction (who knew?) Nevertheless, we have hope that some boys out there will understand the true value of a geeky girl. This post initially began as a pep talk to our female readers, but somewhere along the way, it turned into a letter addressed to any and all men who happen to be reading our blog. Boys, we know each of you have personal preferences regarding girls. But have you ever considered the reasons why geeky girls might make better lovers? If not, then sally forth, dear reader.

Reason #1: We're not afraid of role playing.

Yeah, we went there. Maybe you've harbored a secret desire to sleep with Princess Leia since you were 10. Don't worry: you can tell us. We're used to dressing up as our favorite character at anime or sci-fi conventions (see above), so we're going to be more open to the idea of gallivanting about the bedroom in a costume than most women. Think about it.

Reason #2: We possess the knowledge and ability to save your ass during the zombie apocalypse.

On the surface, being a geeky girl has few social advantages. But what happens when the entire fabric of society breaks down, because people start turning into zombies? That's when you'll be glad to have us around. We don't like to brag, but geeky girls are pretty well-versed in zombie movies and books. Consequently, if you're faced with a moaning horde of incoming death, we'll know (theoretically) how to handle ourselves - step 1: acquire a blunt instrument capable of bashing in heads. Plus, as Mr. Darcy found out in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, girls who boast an impressive number of zombie kills are pretty hot. So when the zombie apocalypse hits, you won't have to worry about protecting us, though we appreciate the effort. Give us a frying pan, and we'll kill the zombie for you and then make you breakfast.

Reason #3: You don't need to take us to see romantic comedies.

Don't want to see that new Kristen Bell movie, because the romantic leads have the charisma and chemistry of Wonder Bread? Well, neither do we. In fact, if you want to ogle at giant robots crashing into each other or angels wielding machine guns, we are completely down with that. We'd even prefer it (not least because sci-fi movies - with the exception of Transformers - typically boast a really hot, bad-ass leading man.)

Reason #4: We're smart.

Everyone knows that intelligent women are sexy. Geeky girls happen to be a subsection of that category. Most geeky girls tend to be avid readers, and many of us apply those skills of literary analysis to movies as well. So if you need a woman who is imaginative, curious about the world, and has the ability to bring the snark about Avatar to a tepid dinner conversation, a geeky girl is your best bet.

Reason #5: We love technology too.

We like to obsess about newfangled gadgetry as much as the next boy. In fact, Best Buy and Future Shop are like playgrounds to us. Now why can't boys view H&M in the same way?

Reason #6: Did we mention the role-playing?