Wednesday is For the Ladies: Fake Sci-Fi

We went to see Cop Out last night. What, we love Tracy Morgan, and we're not ashamed to admit it. It was okay, but it got us thinking about all the totally impossible stuff that goes on in movies that aren't actually supposed to fall into the science fiction genre.

That's right, ladies. Moviemakers continually try to fool you with their crazy stunts, so that you will think that blatantly impossible occurrences can totally happen. Do not allow them to dupe you! Here are some crazy tricks to look out for.

1. Fake ninja moves. One of our good friends is a ninja, and it's quite an eye-opening experience to go to the movies with her. All those fight scenes in the movies? Unnecessary. For example, when Dude Number One spends fifteen seconds twirling his fighting-stick and then delivers a fatal blow to Dude Number Two. We don't even think about how ridiculous that is while we're watching the movies, but you just know that if that fight were real, Dude Number Two would A) have kicked Dude Number One where the sun don't shine, or B) pulled a SRSBZNZ and RUN LIKE HELL in the other direction. It is scientifically impossible (okay, maybe we're exaggerating a little bit) for Dude Number One to win a fight when he's so distracted by his own baton-twirling skillz.

2. Running away from explosions. First of all, NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION EXPLOSIONS. Don't try to tell us that you can say, "Hmm, I think something is going to blow up in exactly one-point-five seconds and I can totally outrun it." We call your bluff, Hollywood. Your ass is dead. It got blown up along with everything else. If surviving a huge bomb blast twenty feet away from where you ended up (we're assuming you're a ridiculously fast runner) isn't science fiction, we don't know what is.

3. Two main characters taking time out from the danger to declare their love for one another. We're sorry, but that bomb that's one-point-five seconds away from exploding? Probably not going to wait for your crush to tell you he wants to be with you forever and ever, amen. This is not to say that danger doesn't make people fall in love, but we're going to let you in on a little secret: Dude is probably more interested in escaping the explosion than he is in you. It's that whole self-preservation thing. We're sure he'll take time for you later, though.

So, ladies, just remember: Hollywood is full of lies, and you can find science fiction in any movie, no matter what the "genre." (We never liked labels, anyway).