Wednesday is for the Ladies: The Zombocalypse is SRSBZNZ.

Girlfriend, you know it's coming: The Zombocalypse. And we must be prepared!

For those who have not been preparing for this moment for the last several years, "Zombocalypse" is a contraction of "zombie" and "apocalypse." Therefore, the term Zombocalypse refers to an apocalypse involving zombies. We're sure you already knew that, but you can never be too safe in the event of a zombie attack. Now, zombies are creatures who were once dead, but have come back to life (probably by sticking their hand out of a freshly filled-in grave, climbing out, and making lots of groaning noises). They want to eat your brains. But you can defend yourself in the face of certain zombie death.

There have been several films and books dedicated to teaching us about zombie defense. (And by "several," we of course mean "gazillions.") According to Wikipedia, which we all know and love as the most legitimate research source on the interwebz, the first-ever zombie film was called White Zombie and was released in 1932. But we haven't seen that movie, so we're going to talk about different ones.

The first zombie movie we ever saw (being unfamiliar with the zombie genre at the time) was Shaun of the Dead. The creators of this film suggest that zombies can be defeated with a cricket bat or other forceful object. If you are American, a baseball bat works just fine. If you are from planet earth, but do not play sports, your zombie-killing arsenal should include some type of frying pan, as they are likely to be found in even the most remote home. But we like cricket bats because we're anglophiles.

Our next zombie exposure was the original version of Dawn of the Dead. They took out the zombies with guns, as did the soldiers of everyone's favorite zomedy (that's a word we just made up to mean a zombie movie that is also a comedy), Zombieland. If you are new to the Zombocalypse, we suggest you begin your training with Zombieland.

In addition to providing examples of weapons to be used in the event of a zombie attack (guns, cars, fists, dressing up as a zombie version of yourself), Zombieland also outlines a set of rules. Rule number one? Cardio. In other words, learn how to run. Run like the wind! We're trying to avoid saying, "Run like hell." Oops - too late.

The movie also suggests that we learn to rely only on ourselves and have no friends, but later disproves this theory by giving the main character friends and a love interest. We suggest you not follow the lone wolf rule. Friends are fun! How else will you live when you find yourself on one of those theme park rides that takes you up a tower and then drops you, and the ride is surrounded by zombies? That's what friends are for.

If, after watching Zombieland, you feel you are still unprepared for the Zombocalypse, you can always try the HelloKitty chainsaw.