Inception

Director Christopher Nolan once described Inception as a "sci-fi action thriller." SRSBZNZ is going to say that Nolan's latest movie is more like the tripped-out, cerebral lovechild of Ocean's 11 and Shutter Island. In other words, Inception completely defies categorization and is one of the few movies to make us realize that - hoshit! - we, the audience, are actually smart and we like intelligent movies!

For a brainy film, Inception's plot is surprisingly simple. Leo DiCaprio is a thief named Cobb who specializes in the art of infiltrating people's minds and stealing their ideas. All Cobb wants to do is go home, but he's a fugitive. Enter Saito, a sinister businessman played by Ken Watanabe, who presents Cobb with an offer he can't refuse: he can go home if he eliminates Saito's business rival by planting an idea in the latter's head (i.e. inception.) The Ocean's 11 bit comes when Cobb assembles the team to help him complete the job.

Inception is a fantastic ensemble piece and the cast is one of the main reasons why the film works at all. Movies based on complicated ideas tend to have a lot of exposition. Indeed, most of Cobb's dialogue involves pontificating about his job and the nature of dreams to the audience. In less skilled hands, this exposition-as-dialogue can kill characterization and plot development faster than an anvil falling on a piano. Nevertheless, Nolan and the cast actually get away with it. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who plays Cobb's right hand man, Arthur, is a good example. From his perfectly slicked hair to his stoic manner, he radiates suavity and competence even when all he's doing is explaining what the hell is happening in the film. The actresses are also outstanding. Ellen Page, as the architectural wunderkind Ariadne, spends the first half of the movie listening to Cobb's lectures, and she still manages to imbue her character with toughness and intelligence.

Devotees of modern art and optical illusions will adore the sets, which range from a classy hotel to a fortress high in the mountains. And the film's soundtrack deserves a special mention. Nolan uses the song "Non, Je ne regrette rien" as a major plot point in the film. The classic number was sung by Edith Piaf, and fans of Marion Cotillard (who plays Cobb's wife) will know that the lovely actress portrayed Piaf in the movie La vie en rose. However, SRSBZNZ does have one gripe about the sound mixing. We like Hans Zimmer's scores as much as the next movie-goer, but whoever was in charge of sound decided to drown out half of the characters' words with overpowering music. It's annoying, to say the least.

As a last note, we personally loved the ending, even though its ambiguity left 90% of the theater's audience crying out in frustration. The director clearly scoffed at the idea that every movie has to have a definitive ending, and we love him for that.

SRSBZNZ gives Inception 3 out of 3 tribbles.

EDIT: SRSBZNZ would like to present a very astute observation made by our friend, Mahak. Regarding the adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt, she said, "I was amazed that no matter how many times he spun in that hamster wheel of a corridor, his hair *never* moved. It was like MAGIC." Well, there you have it, folks. Forget everything we said in our review - Mahak's comment identifies the real reason why Inception is awesomesauce.

Repo Men

"It's bloodier than Inglourious Basterds." - Our mom.

Based on the novel "Repossession Mambo" by Eric Garcia, Repo Men is a sexy, gleefully violent film with a serious message at its core. The premise: in the not-so-distant future, a company called "The Union" sells pricy, artifical organs to the populace. Remy (played by an extremely charming, muscular Jude Law) is an employee of The Union. He's not a salesman though. He's a repo man whose job is to forcibly remove the artiforg from your body if you fall behind in payments. Remy enjoys his career, especially when he works alongside his best friend, Jake (played by a deranged-looking, badass Forest Whittaker.) However, when a job goes wrong, our anti-hero is forced to get an artificial heart. And that's when he starts having second thoughts about his job.

This film is definitely not for everyone. If you're the kind of gal who feels faint at the sight of blood or can't stand to watch those E.R. shows on TLC, you should either stay away from Repo Men or bring a barf bag to the theater. The film is action-packed and has enough scenes featuring vivisection to keep your inner sadistic surgeon happy. Nevertheless, the violence in Repo Men never feels gratuitous. On the contrary, the film's focus on blood, gore, and guts is completely necessary: it highlights how human life has become terrifyingly cheap in a world where good health is a commodity, and not a basic human right.

The soundtrack is one of the best aspects of Repo Men. Most of the songs pay homage to the book title by being of the big band, swing era. More importantly, such happy music only serves to heighten the film's black humor. When the movie opens with Remy humming merrily along to Rosemary Clooney's "Sway" as he slices and dices his latest victim, you know you're in for a treat.

The film's only drawback might be its lack of subtlety. The movie doesn't hestitate to thrust its morals in our face by giving Remy and Jake long monologues that would make Hamlet jealous. But we're going to assume that you won't be seeing this movie for its tactfulness. Go see this movie for its stylized violence, vision of a dystopian future, and the palpable chemistry between Jude Law and Forest Whittaker.

We give Repo Men 2 out of 3 tribbles.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter ... Yes, It's Real.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, you ask? But what is this magic? Can this be real?

Yes, it is one hundred percent real, it is one hundred percent awesome - okay, maybe like 92 percent awesome, we'll get to the other 8 percent in a moment - and, for those of you who get all your entertainment from the interwebz, it is one hundred percent streaming on Netflix.

The premise is this: Vampires have been murdering lesbians in a town, which is presumably Ottawa, because that is where it was filmed. Why, you ask? Because they can wear the lesbians' skin out in the sunshine, so that they will no longer be limited to night-stalking. Ignoring the fact that that's SO CREEPY (wearing their skin??? GROSS), who can save the lesbians from the horrible fate of becoming just another fur in the shop? Jesus, of course!

We will refrain from telling you more of the plot, but suffice it to say, this movie is kind of epic. Probably our favorite moment while watching the movie was when Jesus pulled out some money and our friend said, "That looks like Monopoly money," and - being expert Canadian money-spotters - it dawned on us that not only was this film a low-budget camp-fest, it was a low-budget Canadian camp-fest. We have a soft spot for anything Canadian because, well, one of us used to live in Canada and the other one still does. Also, Canada kind of rocks.

Our other favorite moment was when a lady vampire tried to kick Jesus in the face, so he pulled off her shoe and whacked her in the head with it.

The only aspect of this movie that we can complain about is the sound quality. Since it's so low-budget, it's often hard to hear what everyone is saying, not to mention the "background" music is often in the foreground. (It's loud.) But let's face it, who needs sound quality when you have Jesus beating people up with tennis shoes?

SRSBZNZ hearts Star Trek, so we're implementing a new film-rating system, right now, as we type this. We're spontaneous like that. We give this movie two-point-five out of three tribbles. It's awesome, but the sound issues were a little irritating.

So Bad, It's Good: Doom, the Movie

Karl Urban as "Reaper"

Here at SRSBZNZ, one of the things we love best are movies that are "so bad, it's good." Thankfully, the sci-fi/fantasy genre has more than its fair share of duds to keep us entertained, and we'd like to spotlight one of them in particular: that is, the 2005 classic known as Doom.

If you've ever played Doom, you'll know that it's a first person shooter video game that is ultra violent and filled with enemy monsters that you can mow down with your gun. The film itself has an exhilarating sequence in which the camera assumes the first person perspective, and for awhile, it really feels like you're the one shooting at the enemy. Doom is also surprisingly good at maintaining the suspense. But none of these things justify spending two hours of your life on this movie. Below are the real reasons why you should rent Doom today.

1) It stars The Rock.

Don't tell us that you refuse to see Dwayne Johnson try to convey authority by making his eyes bulge out of its sockets. As Sarge - the hardcore leader of a band of Marines sent to a research facility on Mars in order to "kill and destroy" - you get to see The Rock emoting by furrowing his brows, swearing, and waving around an impossibly huge gun. And we don't want to give anything away, but if you've ever wondered what Mr. Johnson would look like as a zombie, here is your chance.

2) It also stars Karl Urban.

We'll admit: the thought of seeing a rugged, soldierly Karl Urban - aka Doctor McCoy in the new Star Trek movie - was the main reason we even watched this movie in the first place. And ladies, you won't be disappointed: Karl Urban is John Grimm (or "Reaper"). He's the smart, noble, brooding hero with the tragic past and an estranged sister. What's not to love? Look at that face above: it's practically Shakespearean in its tragicosity. And while Karl is given some pretty terrible lines, he still manages to imbue them with dignity and sensitivity. In short, we'd hit it harder than the angry fist of God.

3) It has God-awful dialogue.

Like all craptacular movies, Doom has a script that will make you laugh like a loon (unintentionally, of course.) Some of our favorite lines come from banter between the men; others are produced by the weird sexual chemistry Reaper has with his twin sister. Here are some of our favorite gems:

• "Looks like we missed the party."
• "If they were so smart, how come they're so dead?"
• "You know, Duke, I bet secretly you've got a big heart."
• "Does it ever bother you, you could've spent your life looking in a microscope instead of a sniper scope?"
• "I'm taking a shit, you fucking gimp."

Ah, poetry.

4) There are monsters and zombies.

This is arguably the most important reason why you should see this movie. The zombies in this movie don't shuffle along and moan. They're fast, they snarl at you, and they'll put an axe through your head if you give them the chance. The monsters are pretty gross and terrifying too. If you haven't been convinced by this post thus far, just see this movie for the creatures, because they're awesome.

Screencap from Sagralisse

Wednesday is For the Ladies, and That's the Only Reason We're Writing This.

We've read the books and seen the movies, and we have to admit ... we have a love/hate relationship with Twilight. On the one hand, Smeyer writes a pretty entertaining love story, so long as you're a sucker. Which we are. On the other hand, if you are a reflective sort of reader, once you detach yourself from the story, you wish fervently that you could rewind your day and do something else with it.

For us, the moment of reflective clarity came during Breaking Dawn. We thought the book overall was kind of lame, but once she got to the part where Bella named her baby Renesmee, it was over. We could no longer take it seriously. Our irreverence, however, made watching the movies so much more entertaining.

While we're on the subject, we have a confession to make: we got chastised by rabid fans during the midnight showing of Twilight. Our friend, who is of the gentleman variety, really wanted to see the midnight showing, and we were happy for him to use our enthusiasm as an excuse ("What? She dragged me to it!"). Whilst we giggled happily at every moment of pure awkwardness, the fan next to us apparently became angrier and angrier, until she said, "Shut the [expletive deleted] up or LEAVE!" It just made us giggle more.

ANYWAYS. Since Wednesday is for the Ladies, we thought we might discuss the gentlemen of the Twilight series, particularly Edward and Jacob. We are wholeheartedly on the side of Team Jacob, because he is happy much more frequently than Edward. Jacob cracks jokes. He tries to make Bella smile. Basically, he's kind of a sweetheart. And although we understand why that would not be something you would want your boyfriend to do ALL the time - we certainly wouldn't - he's just way less lame than Edward.

Despite our fervent love of Jacob, we understand the appeal of Edward. He's all mysterious and broody, and we, who are fair-skinned, would definitely not be intimidated by his tan, since he doesn't have one. Also, we really like rain. And the Cullens are nice ... Okay, we really don't get why everybody is all up in Edward's business.

Allow us to outline some of our reasons for disliking Edward.

1. He's selfish. All he ever thinks about is how much he loves Bella, and why that's bad or whatever. He never thinks about what she might want. Jacob is all about what Bella wants.
2. He's too serious. Dude, chill out. Yes, there are psycho vampires around. But don't you realize that love conquers everything, even bloodsuckers?
3. He's kind of a control freak. Edward is always trying to "protect" Bella by forbidding her to leave her house, or sending family members to spy on her. Jacob, on the other hand, allows Bella some space. He'll tell her if she's doing something stupid, but he never says, "I am going to prevent something from occurring because I think it will protect you." Edward does it all the freakin' time. Liek, OMG, let her think for herself.
4. He's cold. This is totally a personal quirk. We are always cold. No, seriously, our fingers are like ice cubes RIGHT NOW, as we type this. We could not handle the vampire.

Yes, we think Edward is super lame, but really, we think the whole series is kind of lame. Even though we find Jacob infinitely preferable to Edward, we would not date either of them (we would also not date their real-life counterparts, because RPattz is totally a stoner and Taylor Lautner is too young). In fact, we're not even sure why we spent the last half-hour writing about them.

Peace out.

Wednesday is for the Ladies: The Zombocalypse is SRSBZNZ.

Girlfriend, you know it's coming: The Zombocalypse. And we must be prepared!

For those who have not been preparing for this moment for the last several years, "Zombocalypse" is a contraction of "zombie" and "apocalypse." Therefore, the term Zombocalypse refers to an apocalypse involving zombies. We're sure you already knew that, but you can never be too safe in the event of a zombie attack. Now, zombies are creatures who were once dead, but have come back to life (probably by sticking their hand out of a freshly filled-in grave, climbing out, and making lots of groaning noises). They want to eat your brains. But you can defend yourself in the face of certain zombie death.

There have been several films and books dedicated to teaching us about zombie defense. (And by "several," we of course mean "gazillions.") According to Wikipedia, which we all know and love as the most legitimate research source on the interwebz, the first-ever zombie film was called White Zombie and was released in 1932. But we haven't seen that movie, so we're going to talk about different ones.

The first zombie movie we ever saw (being unfamiliar with the zombie genre at the time) was Shaun of the Dead. The creators of this film suggest that zombies can be defeated with a cricket bat or other forceful object. If you are American, a baseball bat works just fine. If you are from planet earth, but do not play sports, your zombie-killing arsenal should include some type of frying pan, as they are likely to be found in even the most remote home. But we like cricket bats because we're anglophiles.

Our next zombie exposure was the original version of Dawn of the Dead. They took out the zombies with guns, as did the soldiers of everyone's favorite zomedy (that's a word we just made up to mean a zombie movie that is also a comedy), Zombieland. If you are new to the Zombocalypse, we suggest you begin your training with Zombieland.

In addition to providing examples of weapons to be used in the event of a zombie attack (guns, cars, fists, dressing up as a zombie version of yourself), Zombieland also outlines a set of rules. Rule number one? Cardio. In other words, learn how to run. Run like the wind! We're trying to avoid saying, "Run like hell." Oops - too late.

The movie also suggests that we learn to rely only on ourselves and have no friends, but later disproves this theory by giving the main character friends and a love interest. We suggest you not follow the lone wolf rule. Friends are fun! How else will you live when you find yourself on one of those theme park rides that takes you up a tower and then drops you, and the ride is surrounded by zombies? That's what friends are for.

If, after watching Zombieland, you feel you are still unprepared for the Zombocalypse, you can always try the HelloKitty chainsaw.

A Note to Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci

When Zachary Quinto suggested that he would be leaving the Star Trek franchise and retiring his Vulcan ears, fans nearly went into cardiac arrest. ZQ has thankfully clarified his statements, but the internet furor got us thinking: if ZQ's Spock is something that we definitely want to keep in the sequel, what sorts of things could we do without? Behold: our wish list for the next ST movie.

Things We'd Like to See in the Sequel

1) Christine Chapel and Janice Rand

ST: TOS never lacked women in its cast, and we're not just talking about Kirk's love interest of the week. Besides Uhura, there was also Christine Chapel and Yeoman Janice Rand. The addition of these beautiful, professional women would be a nod to the old series and a nice way of balancing the number of dicks currently on the dance floor (thanks Flight of the Conchords!) We briefly heard Dr. McCoy bark out Chapel's name in the reboot, so we know that she's on the Enterprise somewhere. Plus, it would be highly entertaining to see Janice Rand's basket weave again.

2) Moar Scotty

Puir wee Scotty. He never gets enough love. Simon Pegg is one of our favorite actors ever, but next to his extremely attractive cast mates, he tends to get overlooked. We'd love it if Scotty had a moment in the next sequel in which he could really shine: for example, TOS Scotty showed his bad-assery by dismantling tubes and wires that threatened to blow up the entire ship. We also wouldn't be adverse to a Scotty/Uhura relationship. It's canon, has the attraction of a beauty-and-the-geek romance, is infinitely more palatable than the Spock-Uhura travesty, and is one way to transform Scotty from mere comic relief to an emotionally complex character.

3) Kirk Being the Genius We Know He Is

In the first movie, we were told that Kirk was the only "genius-level repeat offender in the Midwest." We've already seen Kirk's unique style of leadership emerging in the first film, and we can't wait to see what sorts of villains and conflicts the scriptwriters create in order to show the evolution of the young Captain.

4) Spock and McCoy Bickering like an Old Married Couple

The good-natured rivalry between these two characters gave TOS some of its greatest moments. Honestly, we just want to see McCoy rib Spock about his alien background, and then see Spock lay the verbal smack down on the good doctor.

5) Interiors of the Enterprise

Most of the action in the first film takes place on the bridge or in the hallways of the Enterprise, with brief sojourns to the Engineering Room, Transporter Room, and Sick Bay. Nevertheless, we think that an inside peek at the Captain's quarters, the Officers' Mess, or Sulu's famous botanical garden in the sequel certainly wouldn't go amiss.

Things We Could Really Do Without

1) The Spock-Uhura-Kirk Love Triangle

Please, scriptwriters, for the love of God. PLZ JETTISON THIS TERRIBLE PLOT DEVICE. Kirk has no time for a serious romantic relationship - the Enterprise is a jealous mistress, after all - and he's got to start developing a closer connection with his First Officer (which won't happen if he's too busy looking up Uhura's skirt.) And we're still not convinced by Spock/Uhura. If the first film had done a better job of setting up their romance, we'd have less of a problem. As it is, the teacher-student vibe squicks us out, and the turbolift scene looked like Spock was rejecting Uhura's advances rather than confirming their love. We can't figure out the point of their relationship. Please. No more.

In Defense of Hikaru Sulu: An Asian in Hollywood

I love Hikaru Sulu. Although the Enterprise pilot has never been as popular as the Holy Trinity (Kirk-Spock-Bones), I am one of those fans who have made Sulu her personal Chuck Norris. As one fellow admirer said, "Hikaru Sulu wakes up to Led Zeppelin's 'Immigrant Song' every damn morning. Just before drinking hot lava, slicing some redshirt in half, and driving his spaceship through the ravaged corpses of other lamer ships." Nevertheless, a Livejournal discussion amongst fans proves that not everyone is happy with JJ Abram's reinterpretation of the iconic character. For example:

FAN #1: I just hate how they were like, "Oh, you're Asian? Let's give you a sword! Phaser? Nonono. You're Asian, silly!"

FAN #2: Now is it because he's Asian, or because swords are the coolest weapon and he is the coolest dude?

I'd like to think Fan #2 won that argument. Nevertheless, Fan #1 brings up an interesting issue: does Hikaru Sulu perpetuate Asian stereotypes created by Hollywood, or does he defy them? As someone with Chinese ancestry, I understand Fan #1's feelings: the film industry has a dismal track record of casting Asians in roles that don't involve some form of chop suey, a weird accent, or in most cases, both. Still, I'm going to argue that the characterization of Hikaru Sulu in Star Trek XI is extremely positive, which fits perfectly with Star Trek's all-inclusive, utopian vision.

In Hollywood, there are two common stereotypes of Asians: "the strong, silent" Asian and the extremely voluble, "funny-man" Asian. The former is usually found in Westernized kung-fu movies; their conversational skills are limited to grunting and harrumphing in response to other people. In contrast, the "funny-man" Asian provides comic relief by babbling in his native language and broken English (Jackie Chan, I'm looking at you.)

How does Sulu in the reboot film measure up to these stereotypes? It's true that the pilot isn't a talkative character. When Spock calls Sulu out on his parking break whoospie, the latter's only response is to silently release the external inertial dampener and say, "Ready for warp, sir." However, is this reticence such a bad thing? I think not. I think it merely emphasizes Sulu's calm, professional exterior in spite of his embarrassment, which is a unique character trait and not a reinforcement of an Asian stereotype.

OK, but what about Sulu's sword? Isn't that just reinforcing the myth that all Asians know martial arts? In the original series, Sulu is shown as an 18th-century swashbuckler at heart with a love for fencing. Giving an Asian character a European hobby is a bold move that plays against stereotypes. Unfortunately, fencing foils don't translate into effective Romulan ass-kicking instruments. Hence the sword. As for the "funny-man" Asian, Sulu unquestionably has a sense of humor: his quip to Kirk about "fencing" proves that he's a witty mofo. However, we laugh at Sulu because of his deadpan humor. His race is a non-issue in the movie, and is never used as a launching pad for comic relief.

Having said all this, maybe I'm missing the point here. Perhaps what makes Sulu unique is that he embodies the most positive aspects of these stereotypes: a cool, unruffled exterior and an ability to kick ass. As a result of these traits, Sulu becomes a character defined by his personality and talents, not race. Fan #2 recognized that fact, and I think such characterization would have made Gene Roddenberry proud.

SRSBZNZ: An Introduction

Writing an introductory post for a new blog is hard. Really hard. Eva, my partner-in-crime and the wonderful creator of this blog, once likened the act of composing a welcome post to "a first date" with all its accompanying anxieties: what do you talk about? Where do you start? Well, if you're anything like me, you mentally compile a list of your hobbies and interests and then you pick one to talk about. So. Let's begin with a topic. How about movies?

Imdb.com always has a list of the top five movies in America. The films dominating the box office this week are as follows:

1) Avatar
2) The Book of Eli
3) The Lovely Bones
4) Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel
5) Sherlock Holmes

Why am I talking about a box office list? Perhaps it's obvious: with the exception of the fourth movie (unless you think singing, anthropomorphic rodents belong in science fiction), every single one of these films can be classified as or associated with sci-fi and fantasy.

You may be saying to yourself, "OK, Lacey. That's nice, but what is the point?" The point is that North Americans clearly love these two genres. And I'm willing to bet that a large portion of those North Americans are young women. Young women in school or with jobs, who are perhaps too shy to admit their interest or who are passionately vocal about it. If you are one of these women, this blog is dedicated to you. And even if you aren't, I still say hello and welcome.

Eva and I have decided to call our brainchild a "guide." However, a more accurate description might be "what the world looks like when you're a 20-something female who loves everything from Star Trek to Heroes to steampunk." We're heavy on the snark and opinions, but we hope that our musings still spark your interest. At the very least, I think we can all agree that the scriptwriters of Star Trek XII need to get off their bohineys and start writing, so that Zachary Quinto has a better job than playing Sylar and Chris Pine can be Captain Kirk again before he loses all his hair (because let's face it, bb IS losing his hair.)

SRSBZNZ is srsbznz. Welcome to the blog.

Lacey