Halloween is SRSBZNZ (Part II)

Last week, we introduced you to the SRSBZNZ Harry Potter-Themed Halloween Costume Series. In this, the second installment, we want to encourage you to get a little kooky, a little craycray, if you will. Of all the costume ideas we came up with, this one's our favorite.

Inspiration (via):

  

 We are DIGGING THE SWEATER DRESS. Also, the weird fringed head scarf? Yes, please. PLUS, this outfit gives us an excuse to go gallivanting around with the humidity-induced fro we were born to rock. In short: this is our Halloween costume. But that doesn't mean it can't be your Halloween costume! Plz to be accompanying us into the weird world of Professor Trelawney.

Click the picture to see where you can purchase any of the items pictured.

We like the fact that she wears a textured (???) sweater dress, because winter is coming and we'll probably need more sweater dresses anyway (except not, because this is Texas and everybody wears short sleeves all through winter because our bodies store the heat from summer and use it to stay warm). Since she's wearing a sweater dress, she'll need some tights, preferably some epic patterned ones that don't really match anything else she's wearing, but no one cares because she's just so out there. We like the combat boots because they are not quite rugged enough to be Doc Martens, which makes them kind of grandma, but in a good way. Sometimes a little grandma accessory is fun, right? 

... [Crickets] ... 

Moving right along, basically all you have to do to look totally crazy is layer on a bunch of hippie jewelry and wear really round glasses. And keep your eyes wide open all night. Bonus points if you carry around a cup of tea leaves all night and tell everybody they have The Grim. 

Halloween is SRSBZNZ (Part I)

Halloween - also known as All Hallow's Eve or The One Evening Every Year When Geeky is Cool - is almost upon us! Okay, so it's not TOTALLY almost upon us, but SRSBZNZ is nothing if not prepared (we're like boy scouts ... not really). But Halloween isn't the only thing coming up for which we want to help you prepare. November 19 marks the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I.

But SRSBZNZ, you may ask, what do these two events have in common? Why are you writing about them together? The answer is simple, friends: They are both events that will be totally epic and involve costumes. We figure, if you dress up as a Harry Potter character for Halloween, you can have a twofer costume - one for October 31st, one for November 19th. Why NOT dress up for the penultimate Harry Potter movie? Ooh, SAT word ... strategically placed to convince you to wear more costumes.

Our first costume idea: Ron Weasley in Dress Robes.

Yes, we know that Ron Weasley is a dude, and this is a GIRL'S guide to sci-fi and fantasy, but fashion loves a little androgyny. And we love Ron Weasley. Also, we may or may not have dressed up as Sgt. Nicholas Angel last year, so we are clearly forerunners in the Breaking of Gender Barriers for the Sake of Halloween.

The goal in posting these costumes is twofold: one, we would like to inspire you to dress like characters from Harry Potter, and two, we would like you not to have to spend a gazillion dollars on some stupid costume-in-a-bag that you will only wear TWICE, because you are going to wear it to your friend's epic party AND to the midnight showing of HPDH1, right? RIGHT? Anyways. We want the costumes to be made from items that you might like to wear to class/work/shopping/lounging around the house because apparently you like to dress fancy even when you're not going anywhere.

Jeez, get to the costumes already! Okay, okay. First, our inspiration (via):

And here is our version:

SRSBZNZ Halloween: Ron Weasley in Dress Robes

You probably already own a pair of black slacks - we don't, because we are rebels, and also because our job doesn't require them. If not, you can substitute with black skinny jeans or leggings. Black shoes of any kind are fine - we are totes into those black patent brogues, though. (Again, since this is a GIRL'S guide etc etc, we're assuming you speak fashion and know that patent = shiny and brogues = a type of shoe.) Also on our Wish List: the lace shirt, top left, and BOW TIE ("Bow ties are cool!" - The Doctor) and we kind of dig that necklace, which was our way of interpreting the "dodgy little collar" that makes Ron get all voice-cracky. GAH WE LOVE RON WEASLEY.

If you want to get totally gender-bendy on us, you might try creating your dress robe costume from a black maxi skirt and pirate shirt. Maxi skirts are totally trendy this fall, so people will say, "Who is this fashion master and can she help us dress like Ron Weasley in our daily lives," while the pirate shirt will be of great assistance next time you want to dress up as Captain Jack Sparrow. Note: We do not suggest that you wear this pirate shirt on a regular basis, unless you are tall and willowy like our friend Katie, who is a goddess and looks good in crazy puff-sleeve blouses because she looks good in EVERYTHING.

We added a magic wand to this collection because, well, duh ... but if you want to get super cheap on Halloween, we suggest a stick. If you worry that a dead twig from your favorite backyard tree won't be authentic enough, you can color on it with a brown Sharpie. Problem solved!

Stay tuned for next week's costume, which will probably be the one we choose to wear for the next two months ...


(Click on the picture to see the original collage on Polyvore and to find out where you can purchase any of the items pictured above.)

Being Human is Made of Win

Contrary to the title of this post, we're - even as of this moment - unsure why we love this show so much. It could be because we have watched the entirety of season 1 and what has aired of season 2 within the past twenty-four hours, but we really can't put our finger on what it is about this show that we love.

Well, yes we can:

That. That right there would keep us watching this show even if it turned into a Heroes-scale trainwreck.

But even without factoring in Aidan Turner's amazing good looks, we adore this show. Here's the lowdown: a vampire (sort of by choice) and a werewolf (by accident) just happen to move into a house haunted by a ghost (by murder). The show focuses on their lives and their attempt at ... well, at being human.

Mitchell, the vampire, has decided he's had enough of killing people for blood, so now all the other vamps refer to him as being "on the wagon." He's had a bit of a bloodthirsty past (understandably), and so he spends a lot of time trying to atone for all the murder. We like that Mitchell tries so hard to be good and to do the right thing now, rather than brooding about having made the wrong choice then. Also, he's really good-looking (see above).

George, the werewolf, is played by Russell Tovey, who is our favorite. In addition to our involvement in sci-fi geekery, we also dabble in historical knowledge attainment. Russell Tovey first caught our attention in a little film known as The History Boys, as our favorite character, Rudge. We admire Tovey's ability to bring depth to characters that could easily be one-dimensional - Rudge is a "dumb jock" who's really not so dumb; George is a shy, unassuming janitor trying to come to terms with that whole werewolf bit. It would be so easy for him to sink into the shadows due to his insecurities, but Russell Tovey brings out every inch of George's personality and shoves it in our faces.

We arrive, finally, at Annie, the ghost, played by Lenora Crichlow. Annie has two habits that really irritate us: one, she spends a lot of time pining for the fiance she lost when she died ... well, for a few episodes, and then she wises up. Two, if a man so much as winks at her, she gets all giggly, and then that man thinks she's flirting and she ends up getting assaulted. And when we say giggly, we mean, BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL, WOMAN, SHUT UP OR I WILL THROW SOMETHING AT MY TV. That giggly. However, we also admire Annie. She cares so much about Mitchell and George that, when her unfinished business finally resolves itself and the mythical door into the next world appears, she turns it down because Mitchell is hurt and she wants to make sure he survives. When she's not giggling, she can be kind of badass.

We suppose, then, that we love this show for the same reason we love Torchwood: the character development. The cast of Being Human agrees with us.  Sci-fi geeks that we are, y'all know we love a good supernatural showdown; however, we think it has more meaning when we know enough about the characters to want to support them.

The second season of Being Human airs in the U.S. on BBC America Saturdays at 9pm/8 Central.

Photo from here.

Inception

Director Christopher Nolan once described Inception as a "sci-fi action thriller." SRSBZNZ is going to say that Nolan's latest movie is more like the tripped-out, cerebral lovechild of Ocean's 11 and Shutter Island. In other words, Inception completely defies categorization and is one of the few movies to make us realize that - hoshit! - we, the audience, are actually smart and we like intelligent movies!

For a brainy film, Inception's plot is surprisingly simple. Leo DiCaprio is a thief named Cobb who specializes in the art of infiltrating people's minds and stealing their ideas. All Cobb wants to do is go home, but he's a fugitive. Enter Saito, a sinister businessman played by Ken Watanabe, who presents Cobb with an offer he can't refuse: he can go home if he eliminates Saito's business rival by planting an idea in the latter's head (i.e. inception.) The Ocean's 11 bit comes when Cobb assembles the team to help him complete the job.

Inception is a fantastic ensemble piece and the cast is one of the main reasons why the film works at all. Movies based on complicated ideas tend to have a lot of exposition. Indeed, most of Cobb's dialogue involves pontificating about his job and the nature of dreams to the audience. In less skilled hands, this exposition-as-dialogue can kill characterization and plot development faster than an anvil falling on a piano. Nevertheless, Nolan and the cast actually get away with it. Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who plays Cobb's right hand man, Arthur, is a good example. From his perfectly slicked hair to his stoic manner, he radiates suavity and competence even when all he's doing is explaining what the hell is happening in the film. The actresses are also outstanding. Ellen Page, as the architectural wunderkind Ariadne, spends the first half of the movie listening to Cobb's lectures, and she still manages to imbue her character with toughness and intelligence.

Devotees of modern art and optical illusions will adore the sets, which range from a classy hotel to a fortress high in the mountains. And the film's soundtrack deserves a special mention. Nolan uses the song "Non, Je ne regrette rien" as a major plot point in the film. The classic number was sung by Edith Piaf, and fans of Marion Cotillard (who plays Cobb's wife) will know that the lovely actress portrayed Piaf in the movie La vie en rose. However, SRSBZNZ does have one gripe about the sound mixing. We like Hans Zimmer's scores as much as the next movie-goer, but whoever was in charge of sound decided to drown out half of the characters' words with overpowering music. It's annoying, to say the least.

As a last note, we personally loved the ending, even though its ambiguity left 90% of the theater's audience crying out in frustration. The director clearly scoffed at the idea that every movie has to have a definitive ending, and we love him for that.

SRSBZNZ gives Inception 3 out of 3 tribbles.

EDIT: SRSBZNZ would like to present a very astute observation made by our friend, Mahak. Regarding the adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt, she said, "I was amazed that no matter how many times he spun in that hamster wheel of a corridor, his hair *never* moved. It was like MAGIC." Well, there you have it, folks. Forget everything we said in our review - Mahak's comment identifies the real reason why Inception is awesomesauce.

The Greatest Television Couple of All Time ... of ALL TIME!

  ... Okay, maybe we're exaggerating a bit. But we love Amy Pond. We love Rory Williams. It's pretty safe to say that when you put them together, it's MAGIC. Gah. They are our favorite. And yes, everything is our favorite, but still. We love them.

The newly-regenerated (and still a little zonked) Doctor meets Amy when she is seven years old and in the midst of a prayer for someone to come fix the crack in her wall. Shock of all shocks, it turns out to be a crack in space and time. The Doctor leaves "just for a few minutes - he'll be right back, he promises," and it turns out he's gone for twelve years. They - with assistance from Amy's boyfriend, Rory - save the world from the Atraxi, etc. etc, he leaves "just for a mo'" and comes back two years later, on the night before Amy's wedding, which she neglects to mention to him.

Stuff happens, Amy tries to seduce the Doctor, Doctor says, no, you love Rory, howzabout we bring him time-traveling with us?

Thus begins a spectacular partnership (can it be a partnership if there's 3 people involved? We're going to say yes) involving the Doctor, Amy, and Rory and their misadventures with fish from space, a weird dream of the Doctor's, those creepy lizard creatures who live at the center of the earth, and a bunch of other stuff that we will refrain from relating because it involves spoilers. Let's go back to Amy and Rory.


Why We Love Amy:
Besides admiring her badassery, we find Amy refreshing because - attempted makeout sesh notwithstanting - she's not in love with the Doctor. We know, we know: Donna Noble was also not in love with the Doctor. We found that refreshing, too, but it would have been weird for Donna to be in love with the Doctor. Given that the Doctor sort of saved Amy's life when she was like seven, we know how easy it would have been for the writers of this show to create some weird daddy-issues love story involving the two of them. We are so glad they didn't. She makes a conscious decision that she loves Rory more than she loves the Doctor, and we respect her for that.

Also, we are totes jealous of her Scottish accent, beautiful porcelain skin, and fantastic hair. That's what we were going for during those two years we dyed our hair red, but clearly there's nothing like the real thing. Basically, Karen Gillan is gorgeous.

Why We Love Rory:
Rory rolls with the punches. Wayyyyy back when the Doctor and Rose first got together, Mickey wussed out and was like, "No, he's dangerous, you're going to die, time travel is scary, DON'T GO!" While we understood that he was trying to keep Rose safe, and that he genuinely cared about her welfare, we were unimpressed. More than that, we felt sorry for him. We've already discussed how annoying it was to feel sorry for Martha Jones, and Mickey was no different. We wanted to give him a hug, but we also kind of wanted him to go away.

Anyways. The Doctor takes Amy and Rory to 17th-century Venice for some pre-wedding romantic time, and they run into vampire-fish from space. Rory's all like, "Okay, I guess it's time to fight some vampire-fish from space, whatevs." And, okay, there's a little bit of confusion and waffling, but that's it. For the rest of the time he spends traveling with them, Rory is totally cool.

... Admittedly, we also are pretty impressed with the scope of his love for Amy. Dude spends 2,000 years watching over her (okay, partial spoiler - our bad) to make sure she doesn't die. That's pretty sweet.

Image from The Ultimate Doctor Who Site.

Makeover!

SRSBZNZ was feeling a little caged-in by the lonely, picture-less Blogger template. While we're still using our Blogger friends' skeleton, we decided to make it just a little bit more our own.

You may recognize the picture of the Starship Enterprise from our Twitter. We put our extensive Photoshop skillz to use and created our very own banner with it. Blog-Twitter synergy at its finest. Also, we like that it's just a little bit cheesy. It ups the nerd factor.

Do you like our new look, or should we go back to white white white?

Eclipse ... of Our Brain Cells.

We don't even have anything to say about this movie. Just ... this.

This one is our favorite:

Image from here, obviously.

Not to be Confused With That One About the Blue People

Things The Internet Has Established:

1. Avatar: The Last Airbender is awesome.
2. The movie version, known as The Last Airbender on account of the aforementioned blue peepz, is less awesome. By a lot.
3. Hollywood and M. Night Shyamalan are racist for casting white people as Aang, Katara, and Sokka.

Our role here at SRSBZNZ is not to argue with the Internet about whether the cartoon or the movie is better (personally, we prefer the cartoon), or to provide you with diatribes on why the casting of this movie is or isn't racist (Hollywood in general, probably. This movie ... we're not entirely convinced). No. We are here to snark it up and to write about things that make us happy.

Enter the most badass television uncle ever, General Iroh.

Iroh, uncle to the not-so-evil Prince Zuko, accompanies his nephew on his journey to capture the avatar and regain his honor. In the series, Iroh enjoys tea, pai sho, and saying wise things that need to be deciphered. In the movie, we're sad to say, Iroh is Mr. Serious Business (not to be confused with SRSBZNZ, which is really much less serious). The Fire Nation views him as a failure for an unsuccessful siege at Ba Sing Se, the capital of the Earth Kingdom. 

We always feel bad for Uncle Iroh when Prince Zuko goes on one of his, "Must regain honor and make Daddy love me!" tangents and says that his uncle is a worthless loser who doesn't understand what's important. Like, OMG, Zuko, you are one seriously angsty teenager. But Uncle Iroh is wise and understands that Zuko will grow out of it. We're not even going to lie, we mostly feel bad for Uncle Iroh because sometimes we yell at our mom even though she's right. Basically, we're projecting. 

One of our favorite moments in the show, obviously, is when Zuko finally grows a pair and goes to tell his dad, Fire Lord Ozai, that he's deserting the Fire Nation and going to help the Avatar. Zuko proceeds to inform Fire Lord Ozai that he will go to Uncle Iroh and beg for forgiveness, because Uncle Iroh has been a better father than Ozai ever was.

Ozai: (I Think I'm Better Than Everyone Else Voice) "Your uncle? Well, perhaps he can pass down to you the ways of TEA and FAILURE." 

Allow us to share with you our reaction: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

Few more hilarious angry lines have been uttered in our personal history of television watching. First of all, tea is made of win. Secondly, your butt is about to get TOTALLY SCHOOLED by the Avatar. Joke's on you, Fire Lord Ozai.

Our second favorite Dumbass Fire Nation Moment comes when Princess Azula, sister of Zuko, is betrayed by one of her friends, who happens to be Zuko's girlfriend. The betrayal occurs when Mai saves Zuko's life while Azula is trying to kill him. (Reason #23094872 you know this is a show intended for young adults. So much relationship drama! Yeesh.)

Mai: "You miscalculated. I love Zuko more than I fear you."

This is entertaining in and of itself, but wait! It gets better.

Azula: (Angry Child Voice) "No, YOU miscalculated! You should have feared ME more!"

Insert tantrum here. No, really. There is totally a tantrum after this exchange.

In addition to these hilarious moments of Fire Nation Dialogue Fail, the television series actually has a lot of genuinely funny moments. Having seen the movie first, it was difficult for us to transition into Saturday Morning Cartoon mode and enjoy the funny moments without being all like, "BUT THE AVATAR HAS TO SAVE THE WORLD WHY ARE THEY TRYING TO MAKE ME GIGGLE." Eventually, we got used to it, and ended up loving all the slapstick sidenotes in the cartoon. We have to say, however, that we totally support M. Night Shyamalan's decision to make the movie more serious. It is still a horrific adaptation of an awesome show, but all those slapstick cartoon moments would not translate well to live action. And you know we're always going to prefer the version that can be funny on purpose, and not just because it has no idea how awful it is. What we're trying to say is, waste your free time on the TV show instead of the movie. It's worth it just for Uncle Iroh.

Image from http://www.freewebs.com/zutarachick/iroh02.jpg.

So Good, But So Bad: "Doomsday"

 Our favorite episode of Doctor Who is the one called "Doomsday," wherein the Daleks and the Cybermen battle it out for control of the Earth.We cannot even describe the awesomeness of this battle. Two robotic species with mechanical voices, shouting "EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!" and "Delete! Delete!" as they shoot lasers at each other? Don't even get us started. It is amazing. It is hilarious. It is brilliant and full of things exploding. (Sidenote, gentlemen: We love explosions and spent all day watching the World Cup. Remind us why we're still single?)

Our least favorite episode of Doctor Who is the one called "Doomsday," wherein the Doctor and Rose Tyler are separated forever. We cannot even describe the sadness it causes. We, who never cry at movies or television shows, ever; we, who did not shed a single tear during Titanic, when everyone around us was sniffling and sobbing ... we tear up EVERY TIME we watch this episode. (Okay, maybe that's why we're still single. Who cries at science fiction?)

We think it's rather unfortunate that these two episodes are the same. On the one hand, it is PURE AWESOMENESS; on the other hand, it is the end of an era for Doctor Who. Rose Tyler is our faaaaavorite (although Amy Pond is definitely giving her a run for her money. Man, we love Amy Pond). The first episodes of Doctor Who we ever watched were from season 3, with Martha Jones. We loved Martha Jones ... until we met Rose. Martha's okay, we guess, but she's not Rose. Every episode involves her being clueless for, like, twenty very important minutes before she FINALLY figures out what's going on. And she's kind of whiny. Mostly, though, we just feel sorry for her because she so desperately wants the Doctor's love and he's all hung up on Rose (as we all are). So not only does the best episode of this show involve the end of Rose Tyler, it also signals the beginning of the Doctor's lackluster partnership/rebound with Martha. It totally kills the hilarious alien robot battle vibe.

And this episode had such potential.

Sidenote: Who wants to buy us those action figures?

Image from starstore.com.

For the Ladies: Tips on Purchasing Comics at a Con

SRSBZNZ is going to confess a secret. Recently, at Calgary's Comic and Entertainment Expo, we popped our comic book cherry by dropping hundreds of dollars on back issues. Even though we couldn't afford to buy a McDonald's Happy Meal at the end of the day, we were satisfied. The Canadian half of SRSBZNZ is now the proud owner of several first edition issues of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Plus, we managed to grab the latest Spidey graphic novel, featuring the most obvious superhero team-up in the world: Peter Parker and Barack Obama.

All bragging rights aside, we want to share a few things we learned from our experience at the Expo. We're not comic-book specialists, but girls, keep the following tips in mind when you're at your next Convention.

Tip #1: Bargain, bargain, bargain

We'll be honest: we've never haggled for anything in our lives. As good North American citizens, we follow the price tag and obediently fork over the necessary amount of money without question. However, buying comics at a convention has turned us into a C.H. - a Certified Haggler. You will be shocked, dear reader, at the amount of ruthlessness and sheer business acumen you possess when you want to own that first edition issue, but don't have enough money to cover $100. Bottom line: don't pay the amount on the price tag. However, you'll have an easier time bargaining if you're buying several issues simultaneously.

Tip #2: Be nice to the vendors.

While haggling is a "must" for purchasing comics at a convention, be polite. The sales people will be much more willing to give you a good price on the comics if you refrain from being the customer from hell. Moreover, society tends to think that we geeks lack social grace. What better setting to disprove that theory than a comic book convention?

Tip #3: Display your feminine charms.

Fact: places in which comic books can be found are special ecosystems in which all sorts of species thrive and exist. However, this ecosystem tends to lack a particular type of organism - i.e. humans of the female variety. Being a lady at a convention thus has many advantages. At the Expo, we met a Montreal vendor who kindly cut the purchase price for ten comics nearly to half, because he said that we were "nice," "pretty," and "smelled good." (The vendor later clarified that he wasn't hitting on us, because he was married. Nevertheless, he proceeded to ask us for the name of our perfume so he could buy it for his wife.) Bottom line: it pays to be a decent-looking girl in a comic book store. And there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of what your momma gave you.

Repo Men

"It's bloodier than Inglourious Basterds." - Our mom.

Based on the novel "Repossession Mambo" by Eric Garcia, Repo Men is a sexy, gleefully violent film with a serious message at its core. The premise: in the not-so-distant future, a company called "The Union" sells pricy, artifical organs to the populace. Remy (played by an extremely charming, muscular Jude Law) is an employee of The Union. He's not a salesman though. He's a repo man whose job is to forcibly remove the artiforg from your body if you fall behind in payments. Remy enjoys his career, especially when he works alongside his best friend, Jake (played by a deranged-looking, badass Forest Whittaker.) However, when a job goes wrong, our anti-hero is forced to get an artificial heart. And that's when he starts having second thoughts about his job.

This film is definitely not for everyone. If you're the kind of gal who feels faint at the sight of blood or can't stand to watch those E.R. shows on TLC, you should either stay away from Repo Men or bring a barf bag to the theater. The film is action-packed and has enough scenes featuring vivisection to keep your inner sadistic surgeon happy. Nevertheless, the violence in Repo Men never feels gratuitous. On the contrary, the film's focus on blood, gore, and guts is completely necessary: it highlights how human life has become terrifyingly cheap in a world where good health is a commodity, and not a basic human right.

The soundtrack is one of the best aspects of Repo Men. Most of the songs pay homage to the book title by being of the big band, swing era. More importantly, such happy music only serves to heighten the film's black humor. When the movie opens with Remy humming merrily along to Rosemary Clooney's "Sway" as he slices and dices his latest victim, you know you're in for a treat.

The film's only drawback might be its lack of subtlety. The movie doesn't hestitate to thrust its morals in our face by giving Remy and Jake long monologues that would make Hamlet jealous. But we're going to assume that you won't be seeing this movie for its tactfulness. Go see this movie for its stylized violence, vision of a dystopian future, and the palpable chemistry between Jude Law and Forest Whittaker.

We give Repo Men 2 out of 3 tribbles.

Wednesday is For the Ladies: A Handy Guide to Science Fiction

Being ladies, we understand that sometimes men can be a bit confusing. We also understand that some ladies do not find science fiction as fascinating as we do, and they really only put up with it out of love for said confusing men. It's all good. But if you're looking for a guide to some of the more famous sci-fi characters (and, okay, Jesus), look no further:

Photo credit to somebody's Xanga, via our (and when we say "our," we refer to both writers of this blog) friend Adam. You rock, Adam!

The Enterprise...SHE EXISTS!

If Gene Roddenberry were still alive, he'd be crapping himself.

Sir Richard Branson, billionaire owner of that corporate conglomeration with the really suggestive name - that's Virgin Group to you, peasants - launched his spaceship on its first test flight over the Mojave Desert at 7:05 am yesterday (Monday, March 22.) The spaceship is part of Virgin Galactic's commercial space travel program. She holds six passengers and has been named the Virgin Spaceship (VSS) Enterprise. For those of you hoping to board the mothership, tickets are going for $200,000.

News of the maiden flight makes SRSBZNZ inordinately excited, given the fact that every time a plane flies overhead, we always imagine that it is the Enterprise anyways. We're slightly ashamed to admit, though, that we think that "VSS Enterprise" sounds vaguely dirty. It could moonlight as the title for a new Star Trek-inspired porno. Nevertheless, it's sweet that Virgin tipped its hat to the man who told us to boldly go in the first place.

For more information about the maiden flight, check out this article.

If the VSS Enterprise was a movie, we'd employ our new movie rating system by giving it three out of three tribbles.

NOTE: No tribbles were harmed in the making of this rating system. We may occasionally joke about using tribbles to adorn Zoe Saldana's dress or employing one as a brillo pad, but we're only kidding. Tribbles are awesome: they're cute, furry, make cooing noises, and their only goals in life are to eat and reproduce. If we're being frank, we wouldn't mind living that kind of existence too.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter ... Yes, It's Real.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter, you ask? But what is this magic? Can this be real?

Yes, it is one hundred percent real, it is one hundred percent awesome - okay, maybe like 92 percent awesome, we'll get to the other 8 percent in a moment - and, for those of you who get all your entertainment from the interwebz, it is one hundred percent streaming on Netflix.

The premise is this: Vampires have been murdering lesbians in a town, which is presumably Ottawa, because that is where it was filmed. Why, you ask? Because they can wear the lesbians' skin out in the sunshine, so that they will no longer be limited to night-stalking. Ignoring the fact that that's SO CREEPY (wearing their skin??? GROSS), who can save the lesbians from the horrible fate of becoming just another fur in the shop? Jesus, of course!

We will refrain from telling you more of the plot, but suffice it to say, this movie is kind of epic. Probably our favorite moment while watching the movie was when Jesus pulled out some money and our friend said, "That looks like Monopoly money," and - being expert Canadian money-spotters - it dawned on us that not only was this film a low-budget camp-fest, it was a low-budget Canadian camp-fest. We have a soft spot for anything Canadian because, well, one of us used to live in Canada and the other one still does. Also, Canada kind of rocks.

Our other favorite moment was when a lady vampire tried to kick Jesus in the face, so he pulled off her shoe and whacked her in the head with it.

The only aspect of this movie that we can complain about is the sound quality. Since it's so low-budget, it's often hard to hear what everyone is saying, not to mention the "background" music is often in the foreground. (It's loud.) But let's face it, who needs sound quality when you have Jesus beating people up with tennis shoes?

SRSBZNZ hearts Star Trek, so we're implementing a new film-rating system, right now, as we type this. We're spontaneous like that. We give this movie two-point-five out of three tribbles. It's awesome, but the sound issues were a little irritating.

SRSBZNZ: BZNZ

Dear Reader,

SRSBZNZ is currently experiencing technical difficulties. PLZ to bear with us; we will BBS. We're going to go ahead and say next week. Call it Spring Break, although we'll be working all week.

May the Force be with you (and us),

SRSBZNZ

Oh, and happy St. Patty's day. Send us your pictures of leprechaun sightings.

Friday Whaaaat: the Texts From Last Night Edition

If you're thinking of finally getting out of your basement and becoming a regular member of society by engaging in the practice of imbibing alcoholic beverages, dancing drunkenly, and then waking up to a complete stranger this weekend, SRSBZNZ would like to offer a friendly reminder of what happens when geeks combine texting and alcohol.

Texts Involving "Zombies"

(203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

(850): Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?

(704): "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std." this might be how zombies came about. Peace civilization.

Texts Involving "Star Trek"

(727): She called me "Spock" and proceeded to ask me to "teach her the ways of the force." I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I f*cking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

(413): Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres [sic] me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door.

And SRSBZNZ's personal favorite:

(540): what do you have against ST
(1-540): DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

Texts Involving "Avatar"

(484): the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"

(419): is it weird that i found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

Texts Involving "Harry Potter"

(818): i woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.

(720): You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and wizards are mutually exclusive.

And again, SRSBZNZ's personal favorite:

(860): You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

Wednesday is For the Ladies: Oscar Dresses!

Ladies, you know we'd never let you down. SRSBZNZ loves the geekery, but we also love the fashion. See? You can love Sci-Fi and still be interested in the clothes.

We have to say, we were not that keen on most of the dresses this year. The show was pretty spectacular, but the clothes? Boring. Except for the earrings. They were awesome. That said, we're sticking to the sci-fi for this round-up, so we cut out the riff-raff (not in a sci-fi movie? PSHHH, we want nothing to do with you) and kept the relevant.

First up, one of our favorite sci-fi gentlemen, Chris Pine, AKA CAPTAIN FREAKIN' KIRK:

Hello, you attractive gentleman. We like your bow tie. Want to come over to our place tonight? We're making guacamole and we're happy to feed it to you while fanning you with palm leaves.

While we're on the subject of ST, here is Zoe Saldana. You already know our opinion of Zoe: She's pretty, but we'd prefer that she not talk. Also, she was either wearing a piñata or she stole the bag of shredded documents from our kitchen and hot-glued them onto her dress.

Zoe may not be our favorite, but she did co-star in Avatar with one of the queens of science fiction, Sigourney Weaver, who looked FABULOUS in this red dress:

Does this really need explanation? She looks lovely.

Now we switch gears to a franchise that is entirely not Oscar-Worthy. It's cheesy, but we secretly kind of love it. Yes, that's right: Twilight. We'll be gentle and start with Anna Kendrick. She may have been in Up in the Air, but let's not forget she also plays Jessica in these, our favorite teenage vampire-werewolf showdown films. She looked pretty fabulous in this pink number (although Mr. Jay from the E! Red Carpet show insisted on calling it "blush"). Despite its simplicity, we think it might be our favorite nominee dress. The lacy slit gives it just a little bit of edge. Loves!

We were a little ashamed to admit this during the Oscars, and we're a little ashamed to admit it now. We're kind of proud of KStew. Okay, so she went with basic black, and she's totally smirking in this picture because apparently she's too cool for red carpets. And, as usual, she looks like she hasn't washed her hair in a couple of weeks. But the dress is really classy. It fits her nicely, she's not trying to hide her shoulders by slouching like Miley, and she just looks ... well, nice. Good job, KStew!

The 2010 Oscars showed us some good and some bad, but we mustn't forget the noticeable absence of Zachary Quinto. Yeah, Chris Pine made a pretty epic Captain Kirk, but let's not forget how awesome ZQ was as Mr. Spock. In spite of all the beauty we have seen in this post, we must also mourn the absence of our favorite pointy-eared, questionably-eyebrowed, vulcan-human half-breed - errrr, actor. We love you, ZQ! Do our post-Oscar posting a favor and make an appearance next year. Plz?

2010 Oscars: What We're Thankful For

According to 99% of the blogs out there, the 82nd Academy Awards show was an absolute bore. Yeah, the broadcast wasn't perfect. So maybe Kathy Ireland's interviewing skills made us want to punch a baby. So maybe the Steve Martin-Alec Baldwin partnership only elicited tepid laughs from the audience when they weren't making fun of Meryl Streep (though to be fair, George Clooney's Death Stare was not helping the situation.) So maybe there was that really awkward Kanye moment. But so what? We think there were a number of amazing occurrences that made this year's Oscars a success. Here are the moments that SRSBZNZ is thankful for:

Robert Downey Jr. and Tina Fey's presentation speech for Best Original Screenplay

Ah, RDJ. Thank God for you and your Tony Stark-esque suavity and sarcastic wit. As soon as RDJ came on stage sporting blue shades and a radiant Tina Fey on his arm, you knew it was going to be awesome. Our favorite line: "[Movie-making] is a collaboration. It's a collaboration between handsome, gifted people and sickly little mole people." Count on Iron Man and Liz Lemon to make fun of Hollywood at its most self-congratulatory moment.

Michael Giacchino's win for Best Score

Up isn't a sci-fi/fantasy film, but as Eva remarked during the broadcast, we want Mr. Giacchino to be our new BFF. Any person who can compose film scores as diverse as Up, Ratatouille, Speed Racer, and Star Trek is a creative genius who deserves to win.

Ben Stiller as a Na'avi

There was no better way to preface Star Trek's win in the Best Makeup category than having Ben Stiller come out looking utterly ridiculous. The majesty of ten foot tall blue people has officially been deflated. Stiller's best line: (to James Cameron) "I want to plug my braid into your dragon...and my tail." And we can't forget "I see you" followed by that long, uncomfortable silence. Most of the audience didn't know how to react to Stiller, which made the moment even better. The use of a fishing rod to wave his tail around was also a brilliant way to poke fun at Avatar's blatant use of cutting-edge technology.

Films like District 9 and Avatar being included in the "Best Picture" category

This year, the Academy expanded the Best Picture category to ten films. We have mixed feelings about Avatar, and it was clear that District 9 didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning. Nevertheless, it seemed like it was the first time that the Academy was acknowledging the sci-fi/fantasy genre since Return of the King. We hope that such recognition continues in the future.

Chris Pine being sex on legs and knowing how to wear a tux

We're not going to lie: every time Chris Pine appeared on screen, we yelled his name and pointed excitedly at our TVs. The boy brought his mama, which we think is unbearably sweet. And we even got to listen to his super sexy, gravely voice as he did the introduction for District 9. Yeah, we're fan girls. But we dare any straight girl or gay boy to look at Captain Kirk and not say, "Shit son. Break me off a piece of that."

James Cameron didn't win "Best Director"

Without a doubt, James Cameron is a visionary. Avatar was incredible eye candy, even if its story was essentially a retelling of Pochahontas. Nevertheless, we're glad that he didn't win this time around. Sorry, James.

Avatar didn't win "Best Picture"

See above.

Star Trek finally won an Oscar

When Star Trek was snubbed for Best Picture, fans and critics alike were left scratching their noggins in bewilderment. Despite this upset, we're still grateful that ST won something. After almost fifty years and eleven films, it was about time. Oh, and it's clear that Mindy Hall really loves the cast. Congratulations to the makeup team!

Oscars BZNZ

We all know that SRSBZNZ is here for the geek love, be it science fiction, fantasy, real science, or the gentlemen involved in the making of any of those things. But we are ladies, after all, and we love us some Oscar dresses. Instead of writing a real post today, we'd like to share with you some loveliness from our Skype chat during the Academy Awards this evening. This is probably the only post in which you will ever see us refer to ourselves in first person singular. We do love the Royal We, but for the sake of authenticity, we kept the "I" in our snippets.

Lacey: fun fact: cp is presenting the clip for district 9
Eva: yessssss
Eva: but where is zq
Lacey: i'm not sure! but both of them were invited to the oscar pre-party last night, so he should be somewhere. they should present it TOGETHER.
Eva: yes they should
Eva: and they should present dressed as kirk and spock
Eva: but with cp as spock and zq as kirk

Eva: basically the only nominated films i've seen are star trek and harry potter and the half-blood prince
Eva: HMM I WONDER WHERE MY INTERESTS LIE

When somebody won an award and thanked his wife:
Lacey: "i love you more than rainbows"
Lacey: shit, i want someone to say that to me
Eva: uhhhhh
Eva: i would be okay if no one ever said that to me
Eva: i love you like a fat kid loves cake ...
Eva: that i could get behind

When Chris Pine presented a clip of District 9:
Lacey: CHRIS PINE
Lacey: jesus, couldn't the camera have done a close up?
Lacey: i mean, srsly? the camera was like a football field away. WE WANT TO SEE TEH PRETTY

Lacey: HAHA my mom was just like, "how DARE they not zoom up on cp's face?"

When Ben Stiller presented the award for Best Makeup:
Eva: ben stiller gets the award for worst makeup
Lacey: STAR TREK WAS NOMINATED. yes, wear spock ears
Eva: spock ears > blue dude
Eva: i love how he's cursing james cameron
Lacey: plz let it be star trek
Lacey: YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Eva: STAR TREK
Eva: WINZ
Eva: N00BS
Eva: I LOVE SPOCK
Lacey: CHRIS PINE
Lacey: GODDAMN IT'S LIKE WINNING GOLD AT THE OLYMPICS

When Charlize Theron was presenting ... something ... we were distracted, okay?
Eva: hahaha charlize and her cabbage boobs
Eva: it just looks like a lascivious young pair of cabbages is grabbing her from behind
Lacey: i know it's not related to sci-fi/fantasy, but...sentient cabbages? close enough

When The Cove won best documentary:
Lacey: somewhere hayden panettiere is celebrating.

Image from The Telegraph

Friday Video: Darth Vader Being a Smartass

It's Friday, and as you can imagine, we're feeling carefree and ... okay, immature. So here's a video of Darth Vader acting like an infuriating twelve-year-old.

Wednesday is For the Ladies: Fake Sci-Fi

We went to see Cop Out last night. What, we love Tracy Morgan, and we're not ashamed to admit it. It was okay, but it got us thinking about all the totally impossible stuff that goes on in movies that aren't actually supposed to fall into the science fiction genre.

That's right, ladies. Moviemakers continually try to fool you with their crazy stunts, so that you will think that blatantly impossible occurrences can totally happen. Do not allow them to dupe you! Here are some crazy tricks to look out for.

1. Fake ninja moves. One of our good friends is a ninja, and it's quite an eye-opening experience to go to the movies with her. All those fight scenes in the movies? Unnecessary. For example, when Dude Number One spends fifteen seconds twirling his fighting-stick and then delivers a fatal blow to Dude Number Two. We don't even think about how ridiculous that is while we're watching the movies, but you just know that if that fight were real, Dude Number Two would A) have kicked Dude Number One where the sun don't shine, or B) pulled a SRSBZNZ and RUN LIKE HELL in the other direction. It is scientifically impossible (okay, maybe we're exaggerating a little bit) for Dude Number One to win a fight when he's so distracted by his own baton-twirling skillz.

2. Running away from explosions. First of all, NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION EXPLOSIONS. Don't try to tell us that you can say, "Hmm, I think something is going to blow up in exactly one-point-five seconds and I can totally outrun it." We call your bluff, Hollywood. Your ass is dead. It got blown up along with everything else. If surviving a huge bomb blast twenty feet away from where you ended up (we're assuming you're a ridiculously fast runner) isn't science fiction, we don't know what is.

3. Two main characters taking time out from the danger to declare their love for one another. We're sorry, but that bomb that's one-point-five seconds away from exploding? Probably not going to wait for your crush to tell you he wants to be with you forever and ever, amen. This is not to say that danger doesn't make people fall in love, but we're going to let you in on a little secret: Dude is probably more interested in escaping the explosion than he is in you. It's that whole self-preservation thing. We're sure he'll take time for you later, though.

So, ladies, just remember: Hollywood is full of lies, and you can find science fiction in any movie, no matter what the "genre." (We never liked labels, anyway).

Dear SRSBZNZ: Vol. 3.

Normally we wouldn't write two of these columns so close together, but we think this letter demands our immediate attention:

Dear SRSBZNZ, 

I love Star Trek like it is my own child. Nothing makes me happier than watching Captain Kirk punch the crap out of some dude in an alligator alien suit. The only problem is, my boyfriend is a Star Wars fan (ugh, loser), and he has expressed the desire to burn my entire Blu-Ray Trek collection. I want to move in with him, but I worry about what will happen if we ever have to share a TV. What should I do?


Sincerely, 
SRS Trekkie

***

Dear Trekkie,

While we understand your concern, we think you both need to get over yourselves. You won't get anywhere with your boyfriend by calling him a loser for liking Star Wars, and we hope you're wise enough to hightail it out of there if he actually burns your Blu-Ray collection. That's not just mean, it's kind of scary.

But seriously. You and your boyfriend are missing out on some very important bonding opportunities. Both of these franchises are brilliant in their own way. If you allow your boyfriend to share Star Wars with you, maybe he will become more open to the possibility of watching Star Trek. You can use these series as opportunities to learn about each other. However, by refusing to see the value of each other's favorite series, you and your boyfriend are just perpetuating a really stupid feud. Geek wars are for, well, geeks. But, like, the lame kind. The SRSBZNZ geek takes all science fiction and appreciates its good and bad points. Also, the SRSBZNZ geek spreads peace and love. We're like the hippies of geekdom, but unlike hippies (and many geeks), we shower regularly.

So, Trekkie, get out the popcorn and settle in for an evening of Star Wars goodness. If nothing else, we're pretty sure you'll love R2-D2.

May the Force Live Long and Prosper With You,
SRSBZNZ

Image from awfulcontent.com

Dear SRSBZNZ: Vol. 2

Dear SRSBZNZ,

My mom recently showed me a dating book called Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Under the heading "Be Careful What You Say," the Rabbi lists a number of topics to avoid whilst on your first date. At one point, he says, "Never talk about Star Trek." My question is: srsly? Never talk about Star Trek on a date?

Sincerely,

Srsly Confused

***

Dear Srsly Confused,

Firstly, Rabbi Shmuley wrote a dating book?? Interesting.

Anyways, let's examine his advice. As fans of Star Trek, we were admittedly annoyed at the good Rabbi. After all, what's wrong with being a Trekkie? The show is a cultural force, and countless people have fallen in love with its characters and numerous spin-offs. Why then would it be a social faux pas to gush about the ample nacelles of the Enterprise? SRSBZNZ is going to suggest that it goes right back to the stigma attached to being a geek. Despite our unbelievably scientific study, society still views geeks as social pariahs. Apparently, we're awkward, lonely, and capable of emotional fulfillment only through weird intellectual and technological pursuits. Given this perception, no wonder Rabbi Shmuley disapproves of flashing your geek cred over dinner. You might as well be telling your date that you have herpes.

So what should you do? Here is our advice. SRSBZNZ recommends that unless your date is a certified Trekkie, it's probably best to refrain from showing off your in-depth knowledge of that "Shore Leave" episode or waxing poetic on your childhood fear of the Borg. The principle behind our opinion is this: when you're on a date, you don't want to blab incessantly about your favorite hobby, no matter what it is. It's rather self-involved, and if your date doesn't share your interest, he's going to be bored. Nevertheless, there is nothing wrong in revealing your love for Star Trek if the topic of favorite TV shows ever comes up. If your date is really into you, he'll be - at worst - politely indifferent, and at best, enthusiastic or amused.

And really, let's think about the long-term here: if you don't scare your potential SO away the first time around, you always have time in the future to convert him into a fan.

Wednesday is For the Ladies: Sci-Fi Weddings

Ah, weddings. We just sent off our RSVP for a friend's wedding, which will no doubt be a lovely affair. The invitation, however, got us thinking: What kinds of hilarious sci-fi-themed nuptials can we find on the Internet? The answers, friends, are  below:

First up, Star Wars. Y'all know there are plenty of Star Wars fans out there who love the series SO MUCH that they have to have a theme wedding. And really, who wouldn't want Chewbacca to make the best man's speech? "WOOOOOOOIIIEEOEOOOOOOO. Cheers!"

Of course, we at SRSBZNZ can't be too partial, so we thought we'd also see what shenanigans our fellow Trekkies got up to at their weddings. Not gonna lie, we'd love to get married on the Enterprise by a dude who looks like Jean-Luc Picard in retirement. Okay, so maybe we'd require it to be Patrick Stewart. Actually, can we just marry Patrick Stewart? Or Shatner. We're not picky. Well, Shatner then rather than now.

Speaking of people we'd like to marry (David Tennant), we wanted to see a Doctor Who wedding, too. It would be soooo easy to get married in the TARDIS, since it's bigger on the inside. For a honeymoon, we'd go to the future, somewhere in a distant galaxy, with a beach. Or whatever. And since apparently no one has yet put pictures of their Doctor Who wedding on the first two pages of Google Images, we'd be the first. We'd start with this Doctor-and-Rose-Tyler cake topper. Obviously, it would go on top of a cake shaped like a Dalek. We're blonde like Rose, so that part is covered, but that dress would have to go. For realz ... like we need a giant bow to remind us where our hips are. No, thank you.

Happy weddings, ladies!

Ode to Neil Gaiman

In 2008, a book called "Prince of Stories: The Many Worlds of Neil Gaiman" was published. SRSBZNZ hasn't read this scholarly treatment of Gaiman's works yet, but the title delights us. If anyone can be called the "Prince of Stories," it is the best-selling fantasy author who began his career writing for DC Comics. One look at Gaiman's bibliography and you realize that he is astoundingly prolific. If you've read his books and are a fan, you'll know that the fantasy/horror genres always feel fresh and never clichéd in his hands. But we think Gaiman also deserves another title, which may as well be "King of the Modern Fairy Tale."

Fairy tales are a type of folk narrative that often focus on the passage from childhood to adulthood. As a result, the genre tends to deal with some pretty dark subjects. Cruel and absentee parents, economic hardship, sexual threats, murder, and cannibalism are all common themes and symbols in the fairy tale. Gaiman's works cover these topics, even while he enchants us with the antics of witches, plucky heroines, and long-lost heirs. In fact, he reminds us a lot of Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, that pair of German brothers who brought us Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood, and other popular folk tales.

Take Coraline as an example. In this story, the titular character encounters her Other Mother - a character that looks just like her ordinary mother, except that she has big black buttons for eyes. The Other Mother occupies an enchanted world that is the stuff of Coraline's dreams, but when she starts to prevent the girl from leaving, well...that's when the excrement hits the rotating propeller. All of the familiar fairy-tale elements are here: Coraline is a smart young heroine who attains maturity amidst her battles with a witch. And like the dark forest in which Hansel and Gretel find the gingerbread house, the Other Mother's world is a place where magic and evil exist side by side.

For kids, the plot of Coraline is a thrilling adventure story. But like all good fairy tales, the story is one for adults too. Amongst other things, Gaiman confronts us with the issue of how we distinguish good from evil. He looks at the dark undercurrents that appear in mother-daughter relationships, such as a daughter's attempt to gain control over her own life and the temptation to smother our children with love. He even dips into our greatest fears by asking us the question: what happens when our parents die? What do we do?

If you haven't read any of Gaiman's works, Coraline is a great place to start (although we admit that you really can't go wrong with any of Gaiman's works.) And as a parting note, we'd like to point out that the man has the most fantastic personal library ever. What we wouldn't do to have a collection of books like that...

Friday Whaaaat

We were going to post something epic today, but then we thought to ourselves...

So Bad, It's Good: Doom, the Movie

Karl Urban as "Reaper"

Here at SRSBZNZ, one of the things we love best are movies that are "so bad, it's good." Thankfully, the sci-fi/fantasy genre has more than its fair share of duds to keep us entertained, and we'd like to spotlight one of them in particular: that is, the 2005 classic known as Doom.

If you've ever played Doom, you'll know that it's a first person shooter video game that is ultra violent and filled with enemy monsters that you can mow down with your gun. The film itself has an exhilarating sequence in which the camera assumes the first person perspective, and for awhile, it really feels like you're the one shooting at the enemy. Doom is also surprisingly good at maintaining the suspense. But none of these things justify spending two hours of your life on this movie. Below are the real reasons why you should rent Doom today.

1) It stars The Rock.

Don't tell us that you refuse to see Dwayne Johnson try to convey authority by making his eyes bulge out of its sockets. As Sarge - the hardcore leader of a band of Marines sent to a research facility on Mars in order to "kill and destroy" - you get to see The Rock emoting by furrowing his brows, swearing, and waving around an impossibly huge gun. And we don't want to give anything away, but if you've ever wondered what Mr. Johnson would look like as a zombie, here is your chance.

2) It also stars Karl Urban.

We'll admit: the thought of seeing a rugged, soldierly Karl Urban - aka Doctor McCoy in the new Star Trek movie - was the main reason we even watched this movie in the first place. And ladies, you won't be disappointed: Karl Urban is John Grimm (or "Reaper"). He's the smart, noble, brooding hero with the tragic past and an estranged sister. What's not to love? Look at that face above: it's practically Shakespearean in its tragicosity. And while Karl is given some pretty terrible lines, he still manages to imbue them with dignity and sensitivity. In short, we'd hit it harder than the angry fist of God.

3) It has God-awful dialogue.

Like all craptacular movies, Doom has a script that will make you laugh like a loon (unintentionally, of course.) Some of our favorite lines come from banter between the men; others are produced by the weird sexual chemistry Reaper has with his twin sister. Here are some of our favorite gems:

• "Looks like we missed the party."
• "If they were so smart, how come they're so dead?"
• "You know, Duke, I bet secretly you've got a big heart."
• "Does it ever bother you, you could've spent your life looking in a microscope instead of a sniper scope?"
• "I'm taking a shit, you fucking gimp."

Ah, poetry.

4) There are monsters and zombies.

This is arguably the most important reason why you should see this movie. The zombies in this movie don't shuffle along and moan. They're fast, they snarl at you, and they'll put an axe through your head if you give them the chance. The monsters are pretty gross and terrifying too. If you haven't been convinced by this post thus far, just see this movie for the creatures, because they're awesome.

Screencap from Sagralisse

Wednesday is For the Ladies, and That's the Only Reason We're Writing This.

We've read the books and seen the movies, and we have to admit ... we have a love/hate relationship with Twilight. On the one hand, Smeyer writes a pretty entertaining love story, so long as you're a sucker. Which we are. On the other hand, if you are a reflective sort of reader, once you detach yourself from the story, you wish fervently that you could rewind your day and do something else with it.

For us, the moment of reflective clarity came during Breaking Dawn. We thought the book overall was kind of lame, but once she got to the part where Bella named her baby Renesmee, it was over. We could no longer take it seriously. Our irreverence, however, made watching the movies so much more entertaining.

While we're on the subject, we have a confession to make: we got chastised by rabid fans during the midnight showing of Twilight. Our friend, who is of the gentleman variety, really wanted to see the midnight showing, and we were happy for him to use our enthusiasm as an excuse ("What? She dragged me to it!"). Whilst we giggled happily at every moment of pure awkwardness, the fan next to us apparently became angrier and angrier, until she said, "Shut the [expletive deleted] up or LEAVE!" It just made us giggle more.

ANYWAYS. Since Wednesday is for the Ladies, we thought we might discuss the gentlemen of the Twilight series, particularly Edward and Jacob. We are wholeheartedly on the side of Team Jacob, because he is happy much more frequently than Edward. Jacob cracks jokes. He tries to make Bella smile. Basically, he's kind of a sweetheart. And although we understand why that would not be something you would want your boyfriend to do ALL the time - we certainly wouldn't - he's just way less lame than Edward.

Despite our fervent love of Jacob, we understand the appeal of Edward. He's all mysterious and broody, and we, who are fair-skinned, would definitely not be intimidated by his tan, since he doesn't have one. Also, we really like rain. And the Cullens are nice ... Okay, we really don't get why everybody is all up in Edward's business.

Allow us to outline some of our reasons for disliking Edward.

1. He's selfish. All he ever thinks about is how much he loves Bella, and why that's bad or whatever. He never thinks about what she might want. Jacob is all about what Bella wants.
2. He's too serious. Dude, chill out. Yes, there are psycho vampires around. But don't you realize that love conquers everything, even bloodsuckers?
3. He's kind of a control freak. Edward is always trying to "protect" Bella by forbidding her to leave her house, or sending family members to spy on her. Jacob, on the other hand, allows Bella some space. He'll tell her if she's doing something stupid, but he never says, "I am going to prevent something from occurring because I think it will protect you." Edward does it all the freakin' time. Liek, OMG, let her think for herself.
4. He's cold. This is totally a personal quirk. We are always cold. No, seriously, our fingers are like ice cubes RIGHT NOW, as we type this. We could not handle the vampire.

Yes, we think Edward is super lame, but really, we think the whole series is kind of lame. Even though we find Jacob infinitely preferable to Edward, we would not date either of them (we would also not date their real-life counterparts, because RPattz is totally a stoner and Taylor Lautner is too young). In fact, we're not even sure why we spent the last half-hour writing about them.

Peace out.

Carrying a Torch ... For Torchwood (Yes, We Just Went There).

Well, kids, it looks like Heroes is over for the season. Is that a good or bad thing? We can't decide. What we do know is that we need a show to fill that time. We're not yet sure what NBC will come up with, it being the Olympics and all, and can we just take a moment to say how much we LOVE THE OLYMPICS?!?!? Love. Them. And, really, they're kind of like science fiction - have you seen those skiers flying through the air? Crazy talk.

We digress. What we're trying to say is that we need a new sci-fi show, stat. While we work on finding something to recap every week, let us tell you about what is possibly our favorite sci-fi show ever.

If you're new to the sci-fi genre, we will let you in on a little secret: Doctor Who. Doctor Who is fun for several reasons:

1. It's low-budget, and therefore, highly entertaining
2. It's British, which makes it better than anything American, just kidding, we don't want to turn into Gwyneth Paltrow here
3. The Doctor is generally (in new episodes, at least) played by an attractive gentleman.

We know you're sold, but before you run out the door to your local Blockbuster - or look the show up on Netflix, where you can find quite a few episodes available to watch instantly - we want to tell you about a show we think we might like even more than Doctor Who.

Probably a lot of people are going to call us blasphemers for having just said that, especially if they know what show we're about to discuss. But we shall persist in our love of this show, because it is awesome. During the second season of the most recent Doctor Who incarnation, the BBC capitalized on a couple of the show's more interesting secondary characters and created a spinoff. That spinoff is called Torchwood.

We once said on our (personal) Twitter account that we thought it was silly for people to watch Torchwood without watching Doctor Who first. We stand by that statement. Doctor Who is awesome. But one of the defining characteristics of The Doctor is that he steadfastly refuses to tell anyone anything about his past. We get to know quite a lot about his present, and about his relationships with the ladies who travel with him (of course they're always ladies ... no television show is complete without some palpable sexual tension), but hardly anything about his own personality or what his life was like before his planet was destroyed in the Time War. We think that's super lame.

What we love about Torchwood is the character development. The show revolves around Gwen Cooper (who is a descendant of the Gwen Cooper who was in the TOTALLY AWESOME Doctor Who episode about Charles Dickens, and is, of course, played by the same woman), a police officer in Cardiff. She discovers Torchwood accidentally, and although they try to erase her memory of it, she's too smart for them bwahahaha etc. Torchwood is led by Captain Jack Harkness, who is also in several episodes of Doctor Who and who cannot die. The other Torchwood officers include Doctor Owen Harper, who dies twice; Toshiko Sato, who carries a major torch for Owen but only dies once; and Ianto Jones, who is sleeping with Captain Jack and who has remained alive thus far. What, we never said Torchwood wasn't also full of cheesy things.

Whereas Doctor Who is primarily about crazy alien stuff and how smart-but-not-remotely-readable the Doctor is, Torchwood puts the aliens aside and focuses on the characters.

Let's pause to think about what we just said.

Pause over. In summation: We love us some Doctor Who, but we really appreciate the writers' decision to allow viewers to get to know the people of Torchwood. Also, we kind of have a thing for Ianto.

Dear SRSBZNZ: the Valentine's Day Edition

NOTE: In honor of Valentine's Day, SRSBZNZ is taking the opportunity to launch its advice column. If you have any pressing questions for us, let us know. We're here to help.

Dear SRSBZNZ,

My girlfriend and I recently broke up, and at the moment, she is refusing to talk to me. I want to try and work things out, but I just don't know what to do. Plus, Valentine's Day is around the corner and I really don't want to spend the holiday wanking alone in a room.

Sincerely,

Broken-Hearted

***

Dear Broken-Hearted,

Never fear: the girls of SRSBZNZ will solve your romantic woes. The fact that you're not on speaking terms with your girlfriend means that drastic measures are required to recapture her attention and to convince her of your undying love. Thus, while other experts would suggest silly things like "apologizing" and learning how to practice effective "listening skills," we're going to tell you that triggering the Zombocalypse is your best bet to rekindling the romance. Why? Because there is nothing like the threat of certain death to get hormones raging. Just look at the most recent additions to the zombie movie repertoire: in Shaun of the Dead, the zombocalypse gives the titular character a chance to perform a number of heroic acts, thus convincing his ex-girlfriend to get back together with him. In Zombieland, wimpy Columbus saves his dream girl from a gaggle of zombies and is rewarded with a kiss.

Conclusion: being heroic and selfless is the best way to win a girl's heart. So go start a zombie crisis, and then demonstrate your affection by saving your girlfriend - and her brains - from the living dead. (For ideas on how to begin the Zombocalypse, please see our Twitter.)

And just for fun, SRSBZNZ searched "zombie love" in Google, and this is what we came up with:

1. A 2007 musical entitled "Zombie Love," wherein a 200 year old zombie named Dante falls in love with a mortal girl named Claudia. As you can imagine, Dante is torn between his desire to woo Claudia and his urge to eat her brains. We are so putting this movie on our "To Watch" list.
2. A t-shirt featuring a zombie couple making out.
   

Happy Valentine's Day!